Porn Valley Dispatch

The Cat Stevens-ing of Tom Sizemore continues with Jersey Jaxin's assessment that their scene didn't have much Heat; Kurt Lockwood's bold directorial choices; and the lone voice of reason in the breaking Ava Vincent/Dillan Lauren Burrito Scandal. All this in today's Porn Valley Dispatch after an exhilarating jump.- G. Ponante

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Say what you will about Tom Sizemore: that he was not respectful of Heidi Fleiss; that he lied about his relationship with Lanny Barbie; that he is, as Gawker Media's forthcoming anglophilic blog Apples and Pears will say, "a nutter." But he was really good in Heat and Natural Born Killers. Doesn't that count for anything?

Anyway, caplet-sized and recently married adult vixen Jersey Jaxin told KSEX Radio that she was called for duty to room 69 of the Chateau Marmont where she found Tom Sizemore struggling mightily to act like a porn star. Jaxin said that, like Paris Hilton, Sizemore authorized the filming of a sex scene that suffered through "wood issues" and the fact that five women had arrived and decided to leave already.

· "Jersey Jaxin Did Tom Sizemore" (adultfyi.com)
· XXXTom: Home of the Sexual Adventures of Tom Sizemore (xxxtom.com)

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Unlike Cat Stevens, Kurt Lockwood will be directing and starring in The Decline of Western Civilization Part 69: The Porno Years, a concert/sex film featuring his band Not the Ramones, in which Lockwood (1994's Mixed Nuts) and bandmates Samantha Ryan and Monica Mayhem discover love among the harsh realities of the entertainment business.

The over riding theme has a decadent feel to it and the story will track each featured performer with interview inserts and a MTV documentary feel,
Lockwood felt.

Fans who wish to share the over riding magic need only pay $15 at Hollywood's King King Club this Friday to watch the concert taping.

· "Lockwood's Not the Ramones Holding Benefit Event Friday" (avn.com)

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Amid the drama of the Ava Vincent/Dillan Lauren tiff on the set of Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party—in which the women succumbed to a long-simmering tension, called each other names, and Vincent hurled a burrito at Lauren—no one thought to ask the really important question until former Pussy Party contestant Kami Andrews asked, "Who gives girls Mexican food before a scene?"

For that matter, does Cat Stevens even eat Mexican food?

"The Flying Burrito Sisters" (gramponante.com)

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