Only in Florida: Jaws 5, The Nudening

Thanks, Mr. Lifeguard!

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

While they are extremely rare, people do get bitten by sharks while swimming. There are a combination of factors that go into these attacks and believe it or not, nudity is hardly ever factor. Yet one Florida man who only wanted to enjoy a day at the nude beach found himself the victim of a shark attack.

Florida resident Elvin Lanza was having a nice little swim at Haulover Beach, a nude beach in Florida, when the lifeguard spotted the shark. While the lifeguard was alerting the nude swimmers about the apparent bull shark in the water, Mr. Lanza was swimming back to shore when the shark nibbled on his legs.

“The animal was being harassed — not necessarily intentionally — but trying to be herded out of the area,” said George Burgess, director of Florida Natural Museum of History’s International Shark Attack File. “An animal being cornered will lash out. It’s a potential contributing factor that should be addressed.”

You see sharks actually have no problem seeing contrasting colors, that's why you should wear bright colors and/or anything that sparkles when swimming the oceans. Sharks see those sparkles and believe them to the scales of a fish so they come in for a bite. Wearingflesh-coloredd swimsuits or just being naked is actually the best thing you can do when swimming in shark-infested waters. All the splashing and such caused from the lifeguard's water bike is most likely what set the animal off.

But this story does have a happy ending. Mr. Lanza made it to the beach where MDFR Ocean Rescue lifeguards were ready and got him off the hospital. According to Mr. Lanza's mother, he's doing okay.

“He’s recovering, thank God, it was very scary but he’s now under God’s control and that’s what’s important,” she said.

No word if Mr. Lanza was at the nude beach with her son.

Swimming in the ocean will always have risks, but if you want to be smart remember to never swim in dark or murky water, don't swim when sharks are most active (dawn and dusk), avoid waters where sharks have been spotted, be naked, listen for the cello music, and avoid the lifeguard on waterbikes.

via Bradenton Herald