Best of Sex Advice

Since there isn't a Homeland Security Department for sex, someone's got to keep our nation's orifices safe—and who else can we to turn to for guidance but the legions of self-appointed online sex columnists? Find out what beleagured readers just like you (assuming you're a beleagured reader curious about sticking baby oil in your ear or masturbating with a cucumber) have been asking them lately—and how they've been responding—after the jump.

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Eye Weekly, Love Bites:
I feel a warning should be issued to your wife's vagina, which obviously requires some consideration due to menopausal tissue thinning. Why? Well, 24 hours after spending some quality time with my vibrator and this film [Crack Her Jack 3, by John Leslie] it seems that I broke my vagina. I'm not that upset; given my line of work, it was bound to happen sooner or later and it was already in pretty sorry shape from these vitamin C suppositories I tried for a bout of bacterial vaginosis. (As an aside to women contemplating the Today pill to treat BV, please be warned that it made me feel like I'd plunged my inner labia into a colony of fire ants.)

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AskMen.com, Ask Damien:
I always wanted to experiment with putting liquids in my rear; is this unsafe or risky? The kinds of liquids I had in mind would be like lotion, baby oil or condiments like vinegar, barbeque sauce, ketchup, olive oil, or a tiny bit of Tabasco sauce (just to feel what its like). Do you have any comments on this?

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Literotica, Ask Aspasia Fern:
I'm concerned and nervous because my friend for a long time has been masturbating by using vegetables and fruits in her vagina: like bananas, cucumbers, carrots, and many more, instead of a vibrator or dildo when she is alone. she says it's a great high and wonderful feeling and wants me to try it. I haven't yet I'm too nervous and scared to try this. Is what she is doing normal and safe or is it very unsafe and sick? Please help me out. And insight on this would be nice.

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College Sex Advice, Dear RSA:
If you're really serious about getting your virginity back, you can have your hymen surgically restored and your vagina tightened with laser therapy. However, this is an expensive procedure, so losing your cherry again is another one-time deal. I think the closest you're going to come to recovering your lost maidenhood is using a vagina-tightening cream or one of the active ingredients these creams contain. There are a number of creams on the market, with names like Shrink Cream and Sure Grip, that claim to shrink your coochie back to virginal proportions. Many contain what they call an "herbal blend." In most cases the active ingredients are witch hazel and/or alum, both of which are astringent and cause the tissues of the vaginal membrane to contract. Rather than investing in the cream, you could just try douching with distilled witch hazel, or a solution of alum dissolved in water. Both are cheap and available at any drug store.
Remember that this will just make your vagina feel tighter during intercourse, and that may be slightly uncomfortable. But then, I assume that the discomfort of the defloration is part of what you're trying to recapture. To enhance the effect, try to have intercourse with a minimum of foreplay so you don't get too lubricated before insertion. That's pretty typical of a "first time" anyway.

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The Stranger, Savage Love:
No disrespect to sperm licker-uppers or urine drinkers everywhere, but it's entirely possible that the president can be counted among their number. A person's political leanings, competence, and command of the English language tell us very little about their sexual conduct. Indeed, one study in the mid-'90s found that conservatives were kinkier than liberals. And as we've seen time and again, folks who bitch about the sexual perversions of others are frequently perverse motherfuckers themselves. Which means it's possible that the president licks Dick Cheney's sperm off the ground three times a week, and that you, Mike, long to drink a tall, warm glass of Bill Frist's urine. You just never know.

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The Student Center, Teen Sexuality:
does a guys penis hurt if you hit it (well not like with a huge hammer or anything) or does it only hurt if his balls get hit?

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.Compiled by A. Tolesco

Previously: Best of Sex Advice