Clothing Is the Worst, and Science Says We Should All Sleep Naked

It turns out you can finally tell your roommate to get off your back about how frequently you rock out with your cock out—sleeping in the nude is better for your fertility. Researchers from the National Institute of Child Health and Development (plus more smarties from Stanford) recently conducted a study on the matter and found out that WHAT DO YOU KNOW, men who sleep naked have improved sperm count. 

The team monitored 500 men for a year, keeping an eye on the quality of their man juice. Dudes who slept commando and wore boxers instead of briefs during the day had 25 percent less DNA fragmentation in their sperm, making for far more potent spunk. It turns out you can thank the temperature of your testicles for that one—excess heat can mess with your swimmers, which is conveniently why your balls hang down away from your scorching body in the first place. You have to keep your balls cool, you know? 

But the case for sleeping naked gets better—we've also known for years that women who sleep in the buff are also less prone to yeast infections. (In general, the more you can air out the vag, the better.) Sleeping naked is obviously really important. All this #science aside, I think there are several more great reasons to ditch your clothing when you sleep. Here's my very technical list:

1. It's easier to get ready for work in the morning. 

Peeling off a layer of clothing is hard work. 

2. You stay nice n' cool. 

Staying cool while you sleep is obviously more comfortable, but it's also better for your body's cortisol production. And do you know what having too much cortisol does? It kills your sex drive. No bueno. 

3. Soft. Sheets. 

Mmmmph. There's nothing like the feeling of freshly washed sheets on your bare skin, am I right?

4. Less laundry. 

Cut those PJs out of your life. 

5. You get more comfortable being naked. 

If you sleep naked, you have to look at yourself naked a little more. You probably walk around your room naked and maybe even go grab a glass of water naked in the middle of the night. The more time you're naked, the more you accept and like your naked body. And do you know what this is good for? Your sex life. 

6. 1:00 a.m. sex.

'Cause you're already naked. 

7. Middle-of-the-night sex.

You're still naked. 

8. Just-before-dawn sex.

Guess what? Neither one of you is wearing any clothes. Still. 

9. Morning sex. 

How many times do I have to say this? Morning sex is the best thing ever. 

10. After-breakfast sex.

Please. Like you were going to leave right after they made you pancakes and bacon. Plus as long as there aren't any roommates or children around, you're probably stilllll naked. 

In the wake of all this cold, hard evidence, there's really only one time it's appropriate to don a pair of PJs: during roleplay. I don't know what fantasy you'd be fulfilling, but I'm into it.