Verily I Say to Thee, Ye Shall Enjoy This Amish Erotica

If movies like Witness and Kingpin taught me nothing else, it's that the Amish are kinky as shit. It should therefore come as no surprise to learn that they're also big fans of paperback romance novels. Sadly none of these have particularly suggestive titles like "Plowing Rebecca's Field" or "Raising Yoder's Barn," but this look at Amish erotica by Ann Neumann at The Baffler (link below) is pretty eye-opening.

Growing up in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, Neumann became aware of a sub-genre rife with titles like The Quilter's Daughter, Leaving Lancaster, and Found thanks to the fact that they were sold in her local grocery store. After actually reading one of these titles, however, Neumann and her sister realized that these books are written strictly for the Amish.

We had enough distance from the inspiration genre to declare it unliterary, a critical wasteland—flat writing, over-the-top drama, a studied lack of awareness of the wider world—and enough proximity to Anabaptism, to Plain communities, to find the story false and idealized. If these books were selling millions of copies, we knew they weren’t selling to us. Who reads this stuff, anyway?

Who indeed? Well, much like other pieces of erotica clearly not fit for mass consumption, there are apparently many people interested in living vicariously through prose like this...

If I’m ever fortunate enough to make Meredith my wife, I wonder how many children we’ll have and if they’ll have my dark curly hair or be blessed with Meredith’s beautiful strawberry-blond hair. Would our daughters have Meredith’s sweet personality? Would the boys want to learn the trade of buggy making from me?

Man, somebody grab me an ice pack, I need to cool down. So yeah, Amish erotica isn't for everyone, but those who enjoy it can't get enough. 

Via The Baffler