Don’t Take It Personally: Oddly Specific

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I thought I would come across more ads like this when I started this column, you know, the kind that are so weirdly specific you can't help but wonder what the poster was thinking...

There HAS to be someone out there who has BRACES and loves chubby men! - m4w (Hicksville)

The thing is, I've always been a late bloomer. When people were making out in high school, I was the big shy guy who was everyone's teddy bear. In college, when people were having rampant sex, I was charming shy girls into making out. In grad school, people are finding their soul mates, settling down, and getting married, and I'm having a great time hooking up. A story not that out of the ordinary, I know.

The problem is that my sexuality turned on way back in high school, and ever since then, I've had a thing for cute girls in braces. Because I have straight teeth I never had them (first world problems), and literally every guy, girl, and even some adults had them. I know people turn around and say having braces is a miserable time, but to me, they are exotic and something unattainable. As time has gone one, I've slowly started to fetishize them, and now I am obsessed. 

Which sucks because nobody my age has braces, but I keep looking! Plus, people think it's weird that I'm a grown ass man who likes women in braces, but there has to be someone out there who has a mouth full of metal and doesn't feel pretty. I'm a large, hairy, brown teddy bear of a guy with extremely attentive hands (good for back rubs, hand holding, and other things) and who loves to make out and cuddle more than anything. Sure, I'm still a dude, so if you want to take it to the bedroom, I'm game, but my point is if you don't and just want a man's attention, I'll make you feel beautiful.

I mean... after all... I'm obsessed with your smile already!

Video via Give Me Teens