The Weekly Mindfuck: Every Woman’s Fantasy

I've only agreed to having a threesome with one person. It started out as a hypothetical "would you ever," a fantastical proposition meant more for the immediate visual than anything else. I gave it a hard pass at first—I'd been advised against having a threesome with someone I cared about by nearly every person I've ever met. Bringing a third into the bedroom can be cataclysmic, and I'd never given my propensity for sharing much thought. What I didn't know is that I'd missed the point of a threesome entirely. 

My mental shift didn't happen overnight, but it was perhaps the most important sexual awakening I've had yet. I'd always assumed a threesome was a gift you gave: Women allowing threesomes with their boyfriends for birthdays, men perusing the depths of online dating sites look for the perfect Hot Girl. No matter how giving you are in bed, it's difficult to concede to something that can only hurt you in the end. But I didn't understand the concept of voyeurism. Until I went down the rabbit hole with someone who did. 

The rawness of our sexual conversations had been heightening, and we'd moved away from the cookie cutter conversations I'd previously had. He wanted me to suck him off in front of people, I wanted him to finger me in public. We'd watched videos, made videos, and then watched our own videos, reveling in what had been an unexplored territory for me: Seeing someone you're attracted to have sex. Not with you in that very moment, but from the outside, getting an overhead view of all the noises and motions that already turned you on uninhibited by the angles and contortions of your bodies intertwining. Then the unexpected happened: He proposed a threesome that would let him watch me.

"I want to watch you suck someone else, baby." At first, I was baffled. How could he want to watch me get on my knees for anyone else? Wouldn't he get jealous? Possessive? I asked.

"I just know how passionate you are," he said. I ruminated on the idea for a few minutes, struggling to decide why I was OK with the idea, and even worse, why it turned me on. I knew the person he picked didn't matter—I'd be doing for him, almost like I was doing it to him. And then it hit me: He knew that, too. 

He continued. "I want to watch you suck someone else while I'm fucking you." My eyes lit up. Every woman fantasizes about having two men take care of her at once, but few guys agree to it. "You would do a threesome with two guys?" I asked. "Maybe," he said. This, too, was a fantasy we would both need time to warm up to. It didn't matter, though. I'd made a realization that would shape my sexuality and my ability to explore.

I grinned. "Let's do them both."