Wet Spots

· MySpace hysteria reaches the federal level as a Pennsylvania congressman—displaying a stunning ignorance of how the internet actually works—introduces a bill to ban minors from from accessing social networking sites. Which will solve everything, because teenagers will never be able to crack the "enter your birth date here" defense. (abcnews.go.com)

· Yet another education professional has her past come back to haunt her as a Florida teacher is "under investigation" for her work with the U.S.A. National Bikini Team (currently undefeated, though their web site may be). If PG-13 photos qualify as a scandal, the school must have a pretty low standard for corruption of minors. Shouldn't she at least have to fuck somebody? (sun-sentinel.com + usanbt.com)

· The artist who created these paintings displays a strong sense of color and a compositional style in the neo-modernist-classical tradition, although his brush work tends towards the diffuse and undisciplined—unless you consider the fact that the "brush" he uses is actually his penis, in which case he's a frickin' Michelangelo. (triplej.net.au, via Screenhead)

· Apparently, Scarlett Johansson likes to refer to her jugs as "my girls". So what if that's not really news? It still give us a good excuse to reintroduce you to all three "ladies". (thesun.co.uk + hollywoodtuna.com)

· A reader at our price-sniffing sibling Consumerist digs up some reviews for the Oozinator that Amazon didn't want you to see: "I'm not sure if any one else is having this problem with their Oozinator but mine developed sores and started to flake. It also started to turn redish and became itchy to hold." (consumerist.com)

· For the record, we are totally opposed to this Adult Film Appreciation Club that screens hardcore movies for students at the University of Minnesota. Why? Because of their "very strict no masturbation policy"—sorry, but what's the point of watching porn to begin with? (mndaily.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives