Of Portland, Spencer’s, Politics and Sex Toys

by Coleen Singer, Sssh.com Porn For Women

Oregon State Representative Andy Olson isn’t sure what he can do about sex toys and other racy items being on sale at Spencer’s Gifts in Portland, but he is sure he’s not happy about their presence.

After being shown video of a local Spencer’s selection of items like wrist constraints and glow in the dark personal massagers, Olson told a local news station he believes he can push through new legislation to force a change in the way Spencer’s does business.

“I do believe you’ll see some major support with this if I were to take that same video that you just showed us with the other legislators in this building,” Olson said. “I think you would see serious concern.”

On the one hand, I can (sort of) understand Olson’s concern, given that Spencer’s reportedly does nothing to prevent anybody who enters the store from perusing their selection of sex-related products, or enough to offset them from the rest of the store’s famously tacky inventory. 

While I’m not so sure anybody gets emotionally scarred for life simply by looking at suggestive packaging that has no actual sexually-explicit depictions on it, Spencer’s handling of their naughtier goods definitely is the kind of thing some socially conservative people tend to get pretty riled up about, and there’s probably a pretty sizeable crossover between that population and the one which routinely writes irate, Biblical citation-laden letters to state representatives.

To Whom It May Concern: NOT Looking Up While Outside Strongly Advised

On the other hand, from what I read about Portland lately, Olson might have more immediate dildo-display policy concerns than such items being on sale in the back of a local Spencer’s – because over the last several days, stringing dildos up along power lines reportedly has become the hip new thing in Portland.

“You could spot them in several intersections and you could see all sorts of reactions to them,” according to Portland resident Lucila Cejas Epple. “Some would blush, others would laugh, and most would take photos.”

Therein lies one of the core difficulties for a guy like Olson, who has a history of trying to get the state of Oregon to enact stronger obscenity laws: These days, the kind of thing he finds to be a shocking and hopelessly vulgar display of world-demeaning obscenity is cause for bemused mirth and opportunistic social media posts by a pretty significant percentage of the modern electorate.

It’s not that Olson’s desire to amend a law which prohibits the display of “obscene materials” is hard to understand, or even hard to support for many people, it’s just that his idea of what constitutes obscenity doesn’t quite mesh with the legal definition of the term.  Under Oregon law, to be “obscene” a depiction must be an “image of a person or portion of the human body that depicts nudity, sexual conduct, sexual excitement or sadomasochistic abuse.” 

If you’re thinking a piece of molded plastic shaped kinda/sorta like a penis doesn’t quite qualify as “nudity, sexual conduct, sexual excitement or sadomasochistic abuse,” give yourself a nice, slow, self-fondling pat between the legs, because according to various legal experts (and Olson himself, for that matter) you’re quite right.

Legalities Aside, Is This Really Such A BFD?

At the end of the day, my guess is Spencer’s Gifts probably will be permitted to go on conducting mildly inappropriate business as usual in the malls of Portland, or maybe to accommodate the spirit of the law by putting their more “adult” products behind the counter, but that’s about it.

Among other things, if the state changes the definition of “obscene materials” too much it will wind up at the top of the ACLU’s litigation to-do list – possibly in the spot recently vacated by Arizona, after the state struck a deal not to enforce its flawed ‘revenge porn’ law in its current form.

Alternatively, Oregon could pass a revised law, roll it out, have it challenged, spend a bunch of money defending it in court, lose, appeal, lose again at the Court of Appeals, appeal again, then have the Supreme Court decline to hear the case, because they have more important shit to do, like render opinions on Spider Man toy design patent disputes.

As such, maybe it would be best for Olson to take a Legislative Chill Pill and forget all about Spencer’s for now and harp on some other, more current and fashionable hot-button issue, instead. Aren’t there any illegal aliens to complain about in Oregon? (Hey, it seems to work for Don Trump.)

Why Not Just Buy Other Cheap Plastic Crap, Instead?

Ultimately, whatever discomfort some Spencer’s shoppers feel over the products visible in the store, it’s a problem easily solved without any new laws being written, lawsuits being filed, bricks being thrown or fake vomit production being boycotted: Don’t shop at Spencer’s Gifts.

Sure, you might have to forego the opportunity to buy a friend or family member a keyring that makes fart noises, or a giant coffee cup with “Shit Happens” emblazoned on it, but isn’t that a small price to pay in order to prevent yourself from being involuntarily exposed to inorganic facsimiles of male genitalia?

Besides, the mall has lots of other stuff to offer, most of which is totally harmless and safe, like nutritious Cinnabons, at least four jewelers selling (probably) conflict-free diamonds and approximately 900 mobile phone kiosks staffed by guys who simply will NOT fuck off until you tell them do so, forcefully, directly and in so many words.

With so much to enjoy at the mall, if Olson could just set aside his adult entertainment-related angst and wander carefree through its myriad commercial wonders, he would soon forget all about Spencer’s and all its sinful smut…. Until he noticed this, anyway.

About Coleen Singer:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about Female Friendly Porn, sex, pleasure products, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Visit Coleen at Sssh.com for more kinky sex news and original movies for Women and Couples.