This Guy Loves To Talk About His Boner

The good folks over at Thought Catalog (link below) have worked up a nice piece where they gathered 20 of the best stories about guys getting a boner at an inopportune time. It's pretty cool, especially if you don't get paid to talk about your boner for a living. Speaking of which, have I told you guys about this raging semi I just worked up?

It's all here, from vaguely incestuous boners...

Morning wood in front of mom.

I was on a trip one time which made me be in a car for 30 hours straight. I fell asleep, with my mom driving (I was in the passenger seat). When i woke up it was about 7 am, and as any other male, I had morning wood, which my mom happened to glance at. I covered it with a pillow, but it was rather awkward for a while.

To ones that make you question what exactly it is that turns you on...

“Mourning” wood at grandma’s funeral.

Oh boy. I feel like this is one of those things that girls just can’t understand, like how a guy just won’t ever fully understand what it’s like having a period. Here’s my best analogy.

Imagine, if you will, that when an attractive guy talked to you, your boobs doubled in size. You can’t control it, they just do it all by themselves, like how you can’t control your heart beating.

Now imagine you’re sitting front-row, at your grandmother’s funeral. This is a sad day. You loved your grandma, and now Nana’s in a casket three feet in front of you, about to be buried. You’re wearing a black dress, very modest, when you feel a twinge in your chest. Oh fuck, not now! You look down at your chest, and there it is, they twitched, they’re expanding. Fuck me, why the fuck is this happening now!?!? You cross your arms, hoping to shield the fact that your boobs are steadily increasing, getting too big for your bra and dress, except you just know that people can notice it. I mean, you are doing the most obvious movements possible that every girl does when her boobs double in size, the arms crossed, the leaning forward in your chair, the narrowing of the shoulders. You’re feeling extremely uncomfortable and acutely aware of a thousand imagined eyes on you, since your top blatantly no longer fits you. In the front row, of Nana’s funeral.

To ones that lead us to become comedians all of a sudden...

More visible than a black guy at a Nickelback concert.

Slow-dancing with a girl at my Senior prom… It was more visible than a black guy at a Nickelback concert….Or really anyone at a Nickelback concert.