Paris Hilton Hits the Beach, and the Spot

Sometimes I forget about Paris Hilton. I apologize. She was my first celebrity crush, and has done nothing to deserve such neglect. Paris is the body that keeps on giving... me an erection, so I am happy to note that summer has officially started for me with the first of what I hope are plenty of beach posts of the bikini-clad hotel heiress. 

Follow her Instagram feed (link below) if you're hungry for the perfectly svelte body that is Paris. She truly is a city of delights, all red-light district, with perfect infrastructure and a culture for carnality. Truly, has any other celebrity ever given as much for so many? I just wish I could book a room with her as easy as it is to do so at the hospitality chain that bears her name. 

Speaking of bare, Paris is looking awfully hot. She is like a fine wine, not only does she get better with age, but I get drunker and drunker the more I take her in. She's uncorked my privates so much that I had to open a tab, whatever that means.

See, Paris makes me lose my facilities, and not just the mental ones. 

Via Instagram