This Guy Lives Inside A Naked Woman… What Have You Done Lately?

May 9, 2014
TUCKER-BANKSHOT

Tijuana, the capital of "laying low while the heat dies down," is also home to the world's only five-story tall naked woman house.

Slate (link below) recently made the trek south of the border to meet the man who lives inside the house.

In 1987, self-taught sculptor Armando Garcia approached government officials with a simple plan: to mark Tijuana's centennial by building a humongous naked woman in the middle of the city. To Garcia's dismay, they declined the generous offer.

Man, if you can't trust the government in a corrupt border town best known "for its illegal drug trade, and the violence and corruption the industry fosters," who can you trust?

Like so many dreamers before him Garcia wouldn't let a little thing like the government's naysaying stand in the way of his gloriously smutty dream.

Determined to bring his lofty plans to life, Garcia chose a spot in his own ramshackle neighborhood, Colonia Aeropuerto, and began building the woman he would eventually live inside. He missed the 1989 Tijuana centennial deadline, but stayed focused, sculpting the curves to mimic those of an ex-girlfriend. By 1991, a voluptuous concrete woman towered five stories over the airport-adjacent ravine where Garcia lived. He named her "Tijuana III Millennium," but locals soon began referring to the lady-house as "La Mona," or "the doll."

Ladies, if your ex-boyfriend creates a large naked sculpture of you and then takes up residence inside it, may I recommend contacting the local authorities to inquire about restraining orders.

For several years, Garcia lived inside the hollow woman with his wife. Their bedroom was located in La Mona's breasts, the study in her head, the kitchen in her belly, and the bathroom, appropriately, in her behind.

Oh good, his wife lived inside the naked sculpture of his ex-girlfriend with him. This means that she cooks food in her stomach and shits in the bathroom built inside her ass. He's starting to look like the sane one now.

Garcia's ambitions go beyond La Mona — one of his long-time goals is to line the US-Mexico border with, in his words, "giant, nude Amazons." That project is still in the conceptual stages.

Where I fear it may stay forever.

In the meantime, Garcia has moved into another self-built, woman-shaped house in Puerto Nuevo called La Sirena. In 2012 he opened a French restaurant inside her stomach.

Ah the French... one-upping the rest of the world in pure, unbridled insanity for four centuries.

Via Slate