If it’s Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium… Plus I Can Tell by How Big the Penises Are

March 28, 2014
COLEEN-AND-DAN-SINGER

By Coleen and Dan Singer at Sssh.com

Okay, so Dan and I are definitely suckers for an interesting info graphic. Even more so when that graphic depicts useful information. Like penis size, delineated by country. This article contains a map of Europe that purports to indicate penis sizes based upon a rather odd criteria: offensive ethnic stereotypes!

It needs to be said that the "designer" of this dong zone map intends it to be tongue in cheek, since it is based on his own personal observations.

European Penis Size Map

Seriously, why do people do this kind of thing? I mean, isn't this kind of useless, like the headline says? Well, when I was growing up and starting to learn that there was a lot of bigotry in the world, I recall reading that the reason stereotypes exist is that there is usually a little bit of truth in them.

So, for those looking for a more truthful explication of penis size among Europeans, and in fact other continents, scroll down a bit further to see the very interesting graphic that details penis size based upon scientific data gathered for a report in the British Journal of Urology International; now that's a dependable resource!

The graph does not indicate many European nationalities specifically, but the largest penis attributed to a specific group belongs to a German gentleman (WTF, German??!) with erectile dysfunction. So I am guessing some sort of pharmaceutical enhancement helped out there. So who knows, maybe the winner is actually from Romania or Ireland or Sardinia...

The clear losers, however (sorry, maybe "loser" is not the best word to use; perhaps "nationality with the greatest shortcomings"?) appear to be the Koreans, whose measurements proved to be on average smaller than the other nationalities in the study.

Note well: this study seems to be measuring length as well as girth. And you and I and your Aunt Betty all know: that distinction something to be very much aware of.

Also: the study's data was notably inconsistent, since penises had to be measured while flaccid and erect, or to be more exact, using the study's lexicon: "ﬂaccid length, stretched length, erect length, ﬂaccid girth and erect girth." Whoa! Who knew there were so many ways to measure a penis!

The article concludes by saying that women who were polled did not really give a rat's ass about men's penis size and were actually more concerned about grooming. In other words, gents, it doesn't matter how big your John Thomas is, if he hasn't had a bath recently, he's going to be out of luck.

But it's still true that men are often insecure about penis size. This poor guy even decided to make a documentary film about his small penis, after a girlfriend dumped him and told him flat out, "your penis is too small." Hey, he's kinda cute; who cares if his penis is on the small side? Bitch.

In an article appearing last week in The Independent, a study done at the University of Brighton revealed some surprising (well, okay maybe not) findings: that penis size is of more importance to men than to women, and is of greater significance in the locker room than the bedroom. The researcher interviewed eight athletes at length (sorry), half of whom were gay and half of whom were straight, and found that ALL OF THEM had a tendency to look at one another's penises in the locker room and to compare the sizes of the, ah, members of the team. The conclusion: "Those with the larger penises were revered and idolized by their teammates as a symbol of masculinity."

Apparently the "social hierarchy" of sports teams are closely connected to penis size, or at least to attitudes about penis size, and the sex lives, athletic performance and general social dominance of the athletes with larger penises were seen to be superior. Um, can you say "stiff competition"?

The researcher considers his findings to be of massive importance, revealing that penis size should be considered "a new tenet of masculine capital."

Honestly, is eight guys enough of a sampling to make these kinds of generalizations? As well, the study was conducted in the UK; is it possible different results may have occurred if the research had been conducted in, say, France, or Mexico, or Australia?

Naw. we are betting guys look at each other's dicks in locker rooms all over the world.