“Exploring Ur-Anus” With Toys, Tongues, And Therapy

We're going to take this in a different direction off the bat and pretend that "Ur-Anus" is actually using the prefix "ur-" meaning proto, so this exploration will really be of the original anus, the first instance of ass-ness in history as well as in our hearts. We don't know how you'd go about exploring such a thing, but we figure watching dicks get slammed in holes is about as anthropologically stimulating as anything else, so here we go.

The only real downside to ignoring the planetary angle of "Exploring Ur-Anus" is that it renders the cover art for this movie obsolete. Look at that little butt planet with a rocket orbiting it! It's so cute! Somebody actually spent time designing that thing for this movie; we have to respect it.

By the way, we weren't joking about that therapy method: Kitty Cat goes to see her therapist and ends up getting banged in each of her holes during her session. In one of the pictures, he lies back on the black leather chaise lounge and sticks his cock through his slacks, making it look like the chair itself is fucking Kitty. Isn't this a marvelous symbol for the state of the psycho-social-pharmaceutical-industrial complex today? It's not? Thank goodness, it's just two people stretching out Kitty Cat's culo in elegant dress wear.

When we first saw Grace Noel working a sceptre-sized dildo in her ass, we thought, "Damn, there's no way her flesh and blood partner is going to match the size of that toy," but it turns out we're completely wrong. That man (whose name we can't divine because Europorn doesn't always get labeled properly) is really an excellent follow up to Grace's fat toy: he cradles her close to his chest, he gingerly works two then three fingers in her backdoor, and he even wears a condom! He's like a sex toy come to life, one that has the good sense to smush Grace's butt cheeks together so the camera can see just how magically plump her posterior is. On a totally separate note, the room they're screwing in is absolutely insane; Donkey Kong is on the wall behind them, eternally posting up for a high five.

It's bittersweet, really. DK will never receive that high five and we'll never be finished "Exploring Ur-Anus."

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