“Elastic Assholes 10” Gives Us Faith That Tight Makes Right

Everybody wants a butt with bounce and a yoni that does yoga, but people often overlook the awesomeness of a sphincter that'll snap back on your thumb like a mad rubber band. Leilani Leeane knows how to train her tuchus for tightness, and now she doesn't even bother with a wallet; she keeps fatty rolls of cash neatly organized in her ass. If we might quote the poet Mase, Leilani is "young, black, and famous with money hangin' out the anus."

For the purposes of this movie, Leilani has dicks hanging out the anus, as well as her pussy and mouth. This is, after all, a porno, and not the kind of porno in which women have sex with wads of legal tender. Do such movies even exist? (Maybe as amateur porn for the 1%?)

Once Leilani slides her cutoffs down her tasty legs, she gets met by two turgid gentlemen who are eager to go halves on a hottie; they spitroast her, and although Leilani finds herself overwhelmed by the abundance of cock in her body, she keeps her cool and even manages to tickle the balls of the boy in her mouth. Her fanny's flexibility is put to the test with double penetration, and though her juices flow and her holes stretch, she squeezes those cocks so tightly that you can see their veins rising from their skin. All good butts must go to battle someday, and though Leilani is a young one, her backside could take on all of NATO. Dulce et decorum est perving on her butt, etc.

Penny Pax and Sean Michaels would make a really cute couple, and we're not only saying that because they both wear wide-frame glasses in their scene. You know, that's definitely a factor--we like to pretend we're watching a couple of horny senators drop their sweat and come on a couch during a committee meeting--but we're also picking up on the way that Sean holds Penny's creamy ass and kisses her flank as she rides him cowgirl style. They're sweet together, yet they can also get rough, such as when Sean wraps his fist in Penny's hair and starts slapping his balls against her dripping wet pussy. Maybe they won't go on any dates in the near future, but we urge them to reconsider. Not every girl in the world can handle his man meat so skillfully!

Well, actually, a lot of girls can handle Sean, and many more would like to try, and he should keep his options open. He needs to be free to team up with other dudes and double team Sarah Shevon. She has a big hunger for big cocks that borders on the irrational. Getting spitroasted seems sensible, grinding her pussy down to the base of Sean's shaft is a national pastime, but rubbing dicks in her eye sockets is a tad strange by our standards. Then again, maybe Sarah knows something about wrinkle reduction that we don't.

Before you go out and ask your doctor to pad your pucker with some strange polymer, we want you to recognize that the ladies of "Elastic Assholes 10" aren't just blessed with tolerant tuchuses; they also have the willpower to wield them properly. Can you say the same for yourself? Look inside. The real sphincter is in your heart.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Elastic Assholes 10" (store.fleshbot.com)