Dominance And Submission

It's past midnight and I am sitting here reflecting on another amazing day at work, a day spent shooting a lot of great sex that I can't wait for you to see. It was an extra special day for me because I got to shoot my first cuckholding scene, a scene where I played a woman fucking another man while her husband unwillingly watched, tied up and helpless. It was incredibly hot and during the breaks in the scene, I found myself thinking that I wanted to write a bit about the experience of subbing and the experience of domming; how they are different and the similarities that they share.

I am, by nature, a submissive person. In most parts of my life, I prefer to feel in control (don't we all?) so when it comes to sex, I find incredible release in giving over control to someone else. When I submit, I am engaging in an incredible act of trust and also completely letting go of worrying about my larger cares and concerns. Submitting allows me to be in the moment, to focus on the pain, the pleasure, the connection between myself and the other person. When I submit I am all about the sensations with the understanding that I am fundamentally safe as I journey into exploring wherever my master is taking me. I have learned some of the most incredible things about myself and about my sexuality while being submissive. I have learned how to be brave, how to let go, how to process pain, how to challenge myself and overcome my fears. While in submission, I have learned what I like and don't like about BDSM, I have learned how to grow in intimacy and connection with another and I have learned that sexuality doesn't always have to do with sex. Some of the most amazing submissive experience have been mostly clothed without any sexual touching. The journeys I have been taken on mentally by submitting to another have been some of the most erotic experiences of my life while never even moving below my neck.

I am, on the other side of the coin, learning to be more dominant. My desire to be in control serves me well in controlling another and taking responsibility for their wellbeing in a BDSM situation. For me, the best thing about domming is being able to realize the other side of what it feels like to be dommed. I learn so much about being trustworthy when I domme because I know firsthand how important it is so be trusted. Because I have been a sub, I know how hard to hit, how to keep from causing marks, how hard to choke and when my sub might need a break. There is something incredibly powerful in having someone give over control to you and just as I get a rush from letting go, I get a very similar rush from taking over. It is the highest honor to have someone give their body and mind to you for you to use. To have someone have faith that you can take them there, even if that there is only your enjoyment is huge and also super arousing. For me, my particular brand of domme kink is humiliation and causing pain, two elements that, in my opinion require even more trust, as well as the belief that I will know what to do. Every time I leave an experience where I have dommed, I feel, much like I feel when I submit that I have grown as a person, as a lover and as mentally in terms of my capabilities.

For all the reasons I have talked about and hundreds more that will be specific and personal to you, I encourage you to play with dominance and submission. The internet is an bountiful resource for information on playing safely and consensually and there are countless books available on the subject as well. Currently, my favorite online resource is the website Kinkacademy.com . I have taught on the website and can attest to the quality of the hundreds of videos you can find on the site to teach you anything and everything related to BDSM and sexuality. I wish you hot sex and personal growth, always. XXO

[This post is a part of Fleshbot's Dylan Ryan Week. Photos courtesy of Kink.com.]