Siri Would Be Sexy At Any Size

It's a war out there, what with those great Dove ads saying one thing, obesity watchdogs warning something different, naturally skinny women getting demonized, and me with this great new alfredo sauce recipe. But we don't consider BMI when we look at someone like Siri; we just see Sexy.

The boxcover copy of "Big Girls Are Sexy" suggests that we not confuse these "women with a little meat on them" with BBWs. If that is true, then the term Middleweight probably doesn't do these lovely in-betweeners like Siri, Alex Chance, Kenzie Karter, and the burlesquey Athena Pleasures justice.

So rather than "Big Girls," I suggest "Pneumatic."

This movie was lovingly shot and not gimmicky. There were no guttural cries of "Do you like my heavy tits?" or "I want bacon!" Instead, these Pneumatics behaved just like you would want someone you picked up at the Saddle Ranch to behave: confident and lusty.

But I found myself expecting these women to not be porny, so when, every so often, I heard one of those Porn-Standard vocally-fried whines, I was sad. "Leave the play-acting for the wraithy girls," I said.

That is why Siri and Alex Chance were my favorites. There was nothing but frankness and self-confidence about them, and both sounded like real people in the sack.

Siri's scene was especially lovingly shot, with soft light and soft cushions to roll around on.

If it is true that today's overweight woman was yesterday's average-sized woman, that is indeed a shame. But if what I like to imagine about Marilyn Monroe is correct, I bet she'd think these women were sexy, too.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "Big Girls Are Sexy" (tlavideo.com)