Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Hard Love Of The Vergenza Mk. 1

As sex toys become increasingly upscale and move off the semen-splattered shelves of murky adult novelty shops and into fancy boutiques, more and more companies have taken an interest in the industry: you can barely turn around without bumping into a brand new object of pleasure that's made from high quality materials and stylish enough to fit in with the fanciest furnishings.

So allow me to introduce the latest objet d'art-cum-sex toy to gain entrance to my nether regions: the Vergenza Mk. 1, a shiny metal dildo that looks like an art deco billy club... but feels like a little piece of heaven.

But first things first. Metal?

Yes, actually: aircraft-quality spun aluminum, to be precise. While this may sound like an odd material for a sex toy--this is, after all, a dildo, not a Boeing 747--it's actually an inspired choice. It's sterile, non-porous, and easy to clean; and it provides a vastly different sensation from silicone or rubber toys. Where rubber toys are soft and yielding, the Mk. 1 is firm and forceful. This is definitely a toy that means business.

And that's not the only benefit. As you may remember from chemistry class, aluminum is very temperature sensitive. Whether you're into a shock of ice cold pleasure or desperately desiring a little bit of warmth, the Mk. 1 can easily oblige. Simply soak the toy in heated or chilled water and marvel at its temperature-retaining properties. (It is worth noting, however, that the Mk.1 will also absorb your body heat, so even if it starts out cold it'll eventually end up at body temperature once you start sticking it in your junk.)

On the down side, the Mk. 1 isn't the prettiest toy on the market--and no, the fact that it comes in multiple colors doesn't really help. But thankfully, it's pretty easy to forget about aesthetics once you've got this thing inside you. Six levels of pleasure orbs? Awesome. Pleasure orbs bumping their way along my pleasure spots? Even awesomer. And in case you were wondering ... yes, you can flip it around and stick the handle in your hooha, or anywhere else you want. It's an interesting sensation, but you're probably better off using this toy as nature (or at least its manufacturer) intended.

The Mk. 1 comes with its very own storage bag, a black velvet "attaché" with a lovely silver pull cord. I recommend using it, both for protection and modesty. Sometimes, it's just better to be discreet than deal with questions about your fancy new nightstick.

· Mk. 1 (inspiredbyvergenza.com)