Porn For Straight Girls: Personality Test

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Today's column attempts to answer a question: is James Deen hot even if we can't see his face? Can he appeal purely on the basis of his winning nature? In "POV Punx 5," a Burning Angel production, the answer is a resounding "Obviously."

It's not that I don't miss his face. I love his face! His face is always so hot! But James is also just a super-cool guy, who says stuff like, "Watching girls have orgasms is rad!" So I was pretty sure that even if he was just a stand-in cock with an off-camera voice, I would still be attracted to him. And I was right. (By the way, Ottimo wrote a great review of this movie as well, so check it out!)

Take the first scene, with Ana Diego. James is thrilled that it's her first fuck on-camera, and spends a significant amount of time salivating over her ass (it's pretty great.) "I guess I should get sleazy," he says hesitantly. "Have you, uh, ever seen my penis?" Awwww! "How do I ask you politely if you'd like to have sex with me?" he asks Ana. She assures him that he's just done a fantastic job. Freaking adorable. Ana made me a little uncomfortable, actually, because she was very... shrill. I don't know if it's because she's never been fucked on camera before, but her sex talk is very canned, and you know how I feel about misplaced moaning. Also, she drowns out James' whispering, which I always love. She's much cuter when she's not actually fucking.

Indigo Augustine is really hot, but her sex talk was weird to me too! I don't know why I couldn't deal with it. Maybe I'm having an off day. Anyway, she's great when she's not spouting uncomfortable things about getting her pussy pounded. Her tattoos are especially awesome, and she's super-hot sounding when she's moaning. There wasn't any James chatting in this scene though, so I was sad.

Luckily, this is more than made up for in Katie St. Ives' scene, in which James "meets" Katie at a coffee shop and chats her up. He's all, "Hey, what's up?" And then proceeds through the most blundering pick-up attempt ever. He's fortunate that this is a porno and he's cute, because otherwise I might have been worried about his success. He even admits, "I'm awkward. I didn't realize how awkward I was until I started having this conversation with you." Katie is charmed by his bumbling, because who wouldn't be? (At one point, Joanna Angel strolls by looking hot, which amused me. Jiz Lee also makes an appearance as a coffee shop patron. Cameos!)

I love Katie St. Ives, who was never more gorgeous than when she was coming all over Sean Michaels in Tristan's orgasm movie. I was so excited that she was going to unite with James! I miss her curly hair, though. Anyway, James asks her what she likes to do, and she tells him she likes sex. "Great!" he exclaims, relieved. "I'm all of a sudden way more comfortable! What kind of sex do you like?" I would like to recount their entire conversation, actually, which is hilarious, but you should buy the movie because I don't have time. The sex is absurdly hot, by the way. Katie is one of my favorite women ever. She's so sweet and dirty at the same time, and she makes the best noises.

Basically, after that scene, I was overwhelmed. There was so much good James action that I could barely pay attention to the adorable dick-nuzzling in Krysta Kaos' scene, or the fun banter with Kylee Kross or the conversation/blowjob with Shay Ryan in Joanna Angel's closet. But rest assured that all of those were great. Basically everything is awesome, and James Deen is so hot even when I can't see his face, and that sort of sexual magnetism is unfair! But appreciated. By me.

· Photo courtesy of Burning Angel (burningangel.com)
· Buy "P.O.V. Punx 5" (store.fleshbot.com)

Previously: Porn For Straight Girls Archive