Not A Teen, Not Yet A Cougar

May 25, 2011
OTTIMO-MASSIMO

It's graduation season, and co-eds everywhere are going out to face the real world as responsible young adults. We think it's high time a few pornstars did the same thing! Too many women are still cast as teens, and we want them to graduate.

But what will they call themselves when they graduate? The porn world only cares about two ages: young and "old"; you're either barely legal or a MILF, and those who fall into the vague middle ages of 24 to 30ish don't get to flaunt their ages.

To be fair, we think these ladies deserve to align themselves with whatever age group they want. If the next batch of girls who are Fresh Outta High School want to flash us their AARP cards, that's totally fine. We just think if the industry would like to create an age-based demographic between the two extremes, here are some candidates for the category. Cue up "Pomp and Circumstance" and put it on repeat, because we've been thinking about this for a while...

[Perfect, super appropriate, post-commencement thumbnail via We Live Together (gallys.realitykings.com)]
Gracie Glam: 20
Given that she just lost the teen suffix on her age, we're willing to let this one slide and have Gracie Glam appear in movies like "Teenage Spermaholics 7" for a little while longer. However, this young woman won AVN's Best New Starlet award, and this makes us feel like that automatically ages her somewhat. Once you've been lauded for being a superior newcomer—after you've been called the teen with the most teen qualities—it seems like you have to move on. Perhaps Gracie can take her title and donate it to the movement we're trying to put together. If Gracie wants to command the crew, then the middle children of porn will have a flag: they will be called Starlets.

[Gracie receives a strange diploma from Fresh Outta High School (nsgalleries.com)]
Faye Reagan: 22
Faye Reagan inspired this article, actually. When we saw that she was starring in "Couples Seeking Teens 6," we thought Faye must be on the couple end of the equation. It's not that she's old or anything—she was born in 1988, for crying out loud—but we've seen so much of her the past four years that we'd thought more time had passed. We think of her as an experienced, confident woman, and not the kind of girl who would be randomly seduced by her best friend's parents.

Then again, we think Hustler might have jumped the gun when they put her in "She's Barely A MILF."

[Faye Reagan gets all her school spirit from Barely Legal (hustlercash.com)]
Lexi Belle: 23
Again, here's another girl who is quite young, but because she's such an important staple of our pornographic diets, it seems silly to continue to call her a teen. Take Zero Tolerance's "Kittens and Cougars" for example: Lexi Belle plays the Plato to Julia Ann's Socrates, and on the surface, that seems pretty sensible. Julia Ann is a bonafide MILF, and while Lexi has a respectable five years of adult industry experience under her belt, Julia boasts an impressive nineteen years of experience in the industry! However, Julia is only listed in 244 titles, while Lexi is listed in 285 titles; it's not a big difference, but it speaks to how productive our Lexi has been in the past five years. If you call her a kitten, you're really declawing a cougar.

[Lexi is hosting a pool party at her parents' place, courtesy of Penthouse (galleries.penthouse.com)]
Charlotte Stokely: 24
There are times when Charlotte Stokely looks so young that we feel extra dirty watching her movies, but we know it's cool because she's been making adult films for about six years. The most common words on her IAFD page are "teen," "legal," "barely," and "young." Now she's trudging through her mid-twenties with that trademark powerful, coquettish charm, and we wonder if she'll be able to drop the age play in favor of something more mature. It doesn't look promising though; last year she was put in something called "Teen Bitches 2" and that just seems all kinds of wrong. She's never a bitch! And she's 24!

[Charlotte Stokely could replace Ewa Aulin in a pornographic, age-appropriate adaptation of Terry Southern's "Candy." We thought of that after looking at this picture from Nubiles.net (littlethumbs.com)]
Imani Rose: 25
If Imani Rose were to invite us to a "Black Teen Pussy Party," we'd get all flustered and excited, then we'd probably drop something important and offer to bring cake. But later, as we were purchasing the cake, we would wonder how Imani Rose could invite us to such a party. "She's 25. Is the chaperone for this party?" Perhaps that could be a good term for this curious demographic: they can be the chaperones of the adult industry, women who guide the younger girls into the game without imposing the same kind of authority as milves.

Or maybe we can call Imani Rose one of the "Naughty Noobies," just like Tom Byron did. That has a nice ring to it, too.

[Pictured above: Imani Rose masturbates as she chaperones Starlet Prom 2011 in Las Vegas. Picture via Black Ice Pass (promo.blackicepass.com)]
Kristi Lust: 28
Kristi gets called a teen quite often, on random websites and big, fancy Digital Playground productions like "All Star Teens 3." We can dig the fact that her natural, Czech good looks have allowed her to age gracefully, if at all, since we've known her. We also understand that she's only been in the industry for two years, and is therefore a teen in terms of experience. But come on, the woman was also in "The MILF Cafe" and "Rocco's Psycho Love 2," and once Rocco Siffredi fucks you in the ass and calls you a "nasty guhrl," you've officially grown up.

[Kristi is tired from a long day of straddling the age divide, as is required by Creampie Undies (creampieundies.com)]
McKenzie Lee: 32
McKenzie makes a fascinating case for building a teen-MILF median because she already straddles both worlds quite effectively. She is fresh and flexible enough to get savagely fucked by men like James Deen, and yet she's been in and out of the industry since 2003, signing contracts, ditching contracts, getting married, and having kids. That's a straight-up MILF! We feel the same way about McKenzie that we do with Faye Reagan, only a lot stronger: when we saw her name on "Couples Seeking Teens 4," we figured she had to be flaunting her MILF powers. But nope! She plays a teen who can't fall asleep during a slumber party.