Paris Tape Update

Well, it's happened: our deeply buried source has sent us a copy of the allegedly purported "maybe it is and maybe it isn't but it sure looks like it could be and besides our sources are reputable" Paris Hilton sex tape.

The entire .wmv file (odious format, btw) is much too large to post here, but here are a few blow-by-blow observations:

· The video is shot in what looks like military night vision, reminding us spookily of all that footage from the first Gulf War.
· Paris seems to be enjoying herself. She clearly loves the camera: her eyes glint like a hungry cat's, and she's giving her partner that Bridget Fonda-esque, naughty half-smile look of satisfaction (or too much Red Bull and vodka consumption) throughout.
· The gentleman caller in the video is surprisingly handsome, especially by amateur porn standards. Nicely hung, too.
· Positions involved include standard missionary, doggie style, and cowgirl.
· The video ends with the aforeblogged oral action, but alas, no money shot. Maybe that'll surface in another file. (Amateur sex acts spread out across multiple files and email attachments—now there's a hallmark of the new digital pornography.)

Stay tuned.