Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Babeland Remote Vibe Panty

Babeland's Remote Vibrating Panty does everything you would expect it to. Unfortunately, it doesn't exceed any expectations. Also, the panties themselves are itchy. This is the very definition of "novelty" in sex toys.

Admittedly, right off the bat I was at a disadvantage. This is a couple's toy, and I didn't have another person to play with. It does sort of take the fun out of a remote-controlled vibrator when you don't have the shock value of giving your partner the remote. But plenty of remote-controlled toys are fun for one: stereos, televisions, model planes. So I soldiered on, because I am a Professional Sex Toy Reviewer and no situational limitations will stop me!

I've recounted my frustrations with batteries before, and this was another one of those situations. The remote takes a teeny N battery, which presented no problems, but the vibe itself took four watch batteries, and it took me the longest time to figure out the correct order to put them in. It didn't help that the instructions that came with the package appear to be one-size-fits-all too and weren't specific to my vibrator.

Once I finally had everything humming, I put the panties themselves on. They're black satiny bikini-style with side ties, to allow for a range of persons to fit into them. Great! But the material is staticky and itchy, and the generous swath of material required me to tie them very tightly to my hips to get the right amount of pressure from the vibe. Wouldn't it be nicer to manufacture small, medium and large so we can all get our suitably-fitted buzz on? Babeland suggests wearing the panties out to a club, but I don't think I could deal with worrying about my underwear sliding off all night.

Plus, the egg-shaped vibe is great for clitoral stimulation, but would be awkward-looking under anything fitted. It's a basic toy, with a firm and consistent stimulation. I would use it on its own as a bullet-style vibrator if I needed to. It's not fancy, but it definitely gets the job done. The panties didn't hamper the sensation, and I was able to get off through them just fine.

Frankly, if you and your partner want to play with getting off in public, or you want to put your pleasure in your dance buddy's hands, this is a decent way to do it. You could probably manage to tuck the vibrator under the crotch lining of one of your own pairs of panties if the provided ones give you the same trouble they did me. But as a regular method of masturbation, I'd skip it. For me, it wasn't worth all the work.

· Buy the Babeland Remote Vibe Panty (babeland.com)