The Squirt-Absorbent Couches Of Porn Valley

Notwithstanding Porn Valley's Cal/OSHA woes, we can glimpse the face of Pure Skeeve when encountering the couches used for gonzo shoots. Today we look at the corduroy surface of "Squirtamania 5."

I hadn't watched a third of this movie, featuring a gentleman named Porno Dan diving headfirst into the lubricious labia of the likes of Carla Cox, Alyson Westley, Victoria White, and the Tura Satana-esque Mason Moore, when I thought, "Is that a corduroy couch?"

And suddenly I could no longer focus on the efforts of cast and crew to coax fluid of dubious provenance - with varying degrees of success - by means of fingers, teeth, and vibrators; all I could think was, "Do they wash that couch?"

And then:

"...I mean, with something other than semen?"

Now and then (as you can doubtless tell), I grow weary of watching porn, so I want to thank this movie for renewing my interest in the DVDs I receive. From now on I will consider Porn's Unsung Splooge Surfaces when reviewing films.

And if I ever get around to cultivating porn feuds as is de rigeur in the business, I will lure my victims to this couch before slaughtering them, as the DNA encrusted thereupon would confuse the already-overburdened forensics squad of the LAPD.

· Squirtamania (squirtamania.com)
· <a href="">Buy "Squirtamania 5" (tlavideo.com)