Filthy Lives Of “Footballers’ Wives”

May 27, 2010
LANK

Like partial hydrogenation is to America, so is soccer to the rest of the world. With the World Cup coming up, Private makes the latest international attempt to interest Americans in the sport by using a mostly American cast!

Footballers' Wives

Studio: Private
Director: Tony Ward
Starring: Bobbi Starr, Amy Brooke, Carla Cox, Kimberly Kane, Tyler Knight, Denis Marti, Mr. Pete, LT, John Strong

Review by: Gram Ponante

Americans Amy Brooke and Bobbi Starr are, respectively, "Paris Cliton" and "Victoria Fuckham" in this sordid tale of female backstabbery and locker room blowjobs, as the two try to drive a wedge into the lucrative football/d-list marriage between "Randyaldo" (Tyler Knight) and Carla Cox as "Leslie Trash."

I don't know: Do Paris Hilton and Victoria Beckham hang around together? It almost doesn't matter as this morality tale brings together the international archetypes of paparazzi, gold-diggers, and fame-whores for a tidy fable about hateful characters who look great naked and get it right in the FIFA. Even the men have it in for each other.

Only Kimberly Kane as girl photographer Sophie and the recently-returned-to-porn Denis Marti seem wholesome and pure in their intentions. That doesn't mean they don't fuck, too.

I didn't learn much about football/soccer from this movie, but not once in "Invictus" did I hear Carla Cox say, "Was her pussy as wet and juicy as mine?"

· Private (private.com)
· Buy "Footballers' Wives" (gamelink.com)