Bring Me The Hairy, Vibrating Pussy Of Laura Doone

When she was Penthouse Pet of the Month in October, 1974, Laura Doone didn't think her vagina was hairy. "All pussies have hair," she would have said to a time traveler. "It is the pussies without hair that are abominations."

Topco takes us back to a time when pubic hair's purpose was to shade a delightful secret and to provide a marker on the way to home base. Today it's just slide right in.

Laura Doone's Vibrating Cyberskin Hairy Pussy arrived via UPS on a 100-degree day in Los Angeles, and it was still warm when it got here. Holding it in my hands, squeezing it until it made that distinctive Cyberskin thworpthworpthworp, I imagined what it would be like when original "Joy of Sex" line art-looking lovers would routinely burst into flame when their pubes ignited, as I have read in ancient tomes.

"Was it actually molded from Laura Doone?" I asked a Topco representative, unable to find anything about the current whereabouts of the Cyberskin creation's namesake.

"No, it was inspired by Laura," I was told. "There was no way to actually mold her."

If Ms. Doone was 18 years old at the time of her centerfold by Bob Guccione, she would be 53 now. Unfortunately, only by having a shaved pussy could her age be verified.

I asked the Topco representative where the hair came from.

"Was it from angels?" I said.

"It's the same material you'd find in high-end wigs," he said.

So angels?

Anyway, I looked into my drawer full of Cyberskin vibrating pussies and found that this one was similar to several other shaved ones, except with hair. It's like they used a Joanna Angel chassis and put hair on it.

But that's OK, because to use Laura Doone's Vibrating Cyberskin Pussy is to actually fuck time, and that's got to be worth something.

· Topco (topcosales.us)
· Buy Laura Doone's 1974 Hairy Vibrating Cyberskin Pussy (sextoysexfurniture.com)