“This Ain’t Ghost Hunters XXX” Spooky Story Contest

We know we said last week's contest was the last one of 2009, but we were wrong. This is the last contest of the year, and it's a no-holds barred battle for parody porn.

Even now and then, we like to step back and take inventory on our obsessions. While Sindee Jennings may not be our most beloved pornstar, we have to admit a strange, otherworldly attraction to her. And once we saw evidence of supernatural possession, we realized the truth: Sindee Jennings is a sexual specter from the netherrealm. We're pretty happy about that.

So for this contest, tell us a scary/sexy story. "Scary" as in campfire ghost story or urban legend, not traumatizing. Feel free to play with classic tales of horror; everyone from Edgar Allan Poe to Eli Roth is up for plagiarization allusion.

For example, you know the urban legend about the man hiding in the backseat of your car holding an axe? What if he was really holding a Hitachi Magic Wand?

You get the idea. Post your entries in the comments section. By next year, we'll choose the perfect blend of horror and horniness, and the author will win a copy of This Ain't Ghost Hunters XXX!

Speaking of blends, we ought to award the winner of last week's contest. Since there were only two entries, we'll make this quick.

offred's nonce form recipe was strangely appetizing. Observe:

1 Spicy Latina
2 cups Salsa and Spice
1/2 pound Chicken Heads
1/2 pound Sweet and Sour Porked
1/4 pound Dark Meat
2 Cinnamon Bunz
1 oz Dirt Pipe Milkshake
1 oz Cum Fart Cocktail
2 oz Beefeaters
minced Hawaiian Ginger
dusting of Asian Flower

Combine and stir with a Chocolate Stick. Pour into Big White Jelly Butts mould. Makes a Bakers Dozen.

Not only is it precise and elegant, but it's 100% porn titles. For his efforts, offred wins a copy of "Seasoned Players 11: Salt And Pepper."

But faithful Beaker's haikus are never anything to scoff at, so we're giving him a different chapter of Tom Byron's Seasoned Players series. It's (the day after) Christmas, and everyone is a winner.

Congratulations, offred and Beaker! Happy holidays to you both. We'll be contacting you through your profile pages to let you know how to claim your prize.

· Science Fiction Sindee via Sindee Jennings in the Breeding Machine (galacticgirls.com)