An Even Pornier “Californication”

"I find I write better without pants on," says Hank Moody (Anthony Rosano) in this splendid porndaptation of "Californication." "So I'm doing that." (I guess the Gawker office is on Google Maps again.)

The Official Californication Parody

Studio: Diabolic
Director: Nate Liquor
Starring: Anthony Rosano, Bella Bauxx, Ashli Orion, Nicole Aniston, Violet Monroe, Jynx Maze, Kimberly Kane, Ann Marie Rios, Juelz Ventura, Eric Masterson, Dane Cross, Brian Street Team

Review by: Gram Ponante

With this parody, David Duchovny becomes the first actor to be porn-parodied in two different roles; first as Fox Mulder and now as Hank Moody. And Anthony Rosano hasn't let him down either time.

Hank Moody is a writer whose personal debauchery has affected his career. As the boxcover copy says, "He can't keep his pants on-LITERALLY." This parody is held together admirably by Anthony Rosano, whose gone-to-seed persona in recent movies is perfect for this role.

Written and directed by Nate Liquor, who long has labored on other people's movies, "Californication XXX" is notable for how well it is shot and lit, as well as the time it takes to give performers a chance to act (not that everyone does his or her best with the chance). Early scenes with the juicy Bella Bauxx, Ashli Orion, and Nicole Aniston all have a warmth and intimacy to them that seems to be the result of an on-the-set ease.

Moody wakes up to a blowjob from Bauxx, or Bauxxjob, which is interrupted by the arrival of her husband.

"That's my cue," he says, leaving the house without his pants. He remains pantsless for the rest of the movie, much like the only episode of "Californication" I saw.

Hank is summoned to the home of his ex-wife (Kimberly Kane). Turns out his daughter, Becca (Ashli Orion) is hanging around with a bad crowd. In fact, the bad crowd is in Becca's room now!

Brian Street Team arrives via the back door to service Becca and her friend. In a charmingly goofy scene, he invites them to "smoke my cock." When Orion sits on his face, she gives him a few seconds' countdown to take a deep breath. That's classy.

Orion and the BST are so distinctive-looking that it is easy to discount Aniston in their 3-way because her look is so standard-issue Porn Valley Ingenue. But Aniston is very sweet; she knows she's cute but has fun with it rather than checks out.

When the wayward youth are almost discovered, BST bolts, pantsless.

"That's my cue," he says.

Becca's stepfather (Mark Wood) then busts an unreciprocated move on Aniston in a little bit of business that both goes nowhere and makes this parody a cut above; budgets of time and money are so tight that scenes like this one (and several little moments throughout this movie), that make movies more accessible, often don't appear.

Another thing I liked was that the script didn't gloss over the fact that Moody is a father. Granted Orion's character, Becca, is of legal age in Liquor's version, but other parodies (and this has something to do with studios' legal skittishness) tend to gloss over mention of offspring to the detriment of a movie's credibility.

If it's a MILF movie, for example, the audience is owed some explanation of the "M," for Christ's sake. And if your movie is about babysitters, it doesn't cut it to not mention one's youthful charges. That "Californication XXX" (sorry, "The Official Californication Parody") acknowledges the rules laid down by the original show, even if it jettisons them for its own porny purposes, makes it more watchable.

That and the fact that "Californication," much like "Married With Children," is so porny already that a parody isn't unwelcome. A "Flintstones" parody, on the other hand...

Then Kane and Wood have some strenuous married-people sex that underlines their lack of communication. Deep in the act, as Wood is clearly grabbing Kane by the throat, she says "Squeeze my titties," which he doesn't do. Your marriage is doomed to failure if your wife asks you to squeeze her titties and you don't do it.

Moody is disheartened when his agent (Eric Masterson) offers him a job ghostwriting the memoirs of 25-year-old porn star Dane Cross. Dejected, Moody goes to Cross' downtown loft.

"I fucked so many celebrities, it's hilarious," Cross says. "In the ass."

Wandering through the party, Moody encounters dangerous pornstress Juelz Ventura.

"Do you want to put your dick in my sweaty pussy?" she says.

"We don't even know each other," says Moody.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Hi. My name is Lindsay. You appeal to my Daddy Complex. Do you want to fuck?"

(And they do!)

The only thing wrong with "The Official Californication Parody" is its jackass title. It's not official, so don't say it is. That's just dumb. Did Showtime's porn parody licensing department give you permission? No? Maybe in the porn parody of "Dexter," the protagonist's rigid moral code will drive him to de-shelve all instance of the improper use of "Official."

Other than this one little thing, "Californication XXX" sticks to its guns all the way through. It is proof that the only difference between a good parody and a bad one is just a little extra effort and the right director.

It seems obvious that "The Red Shoe Diaries" might be next in the Rosano/Duchovny evolution, but I'd like to see the porn version of "The Rapture."

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