Naughty Narcissism At Its Best And Worst In “This Is Why I’m Hot”

Asa Akira, Gracie Glam, Chanel Preston, and Kristina Rose are some of the hottest young pornstars in the world right now, and they're coming together for one reason: to help Ivan show the world what a phenomenal director/producer/editor/creator he is.

This Is Why I'm Hot

Studio: Tom Byron Pictures
Director: Ivan
Cast: Asa Akira, Gracie Glam, Chanel Preston, Kristina Rose, Alec Knight, John Strong, Bruce Venture, Justice Young

It's not that we don't love Ivan—because we really do, and he's given us nothing but gorgeously shot pornography for as long as we've known him—but if he pats his own back any harder, he's going to need a chiropractor. This movie begins with Asa Akira pointing at our beloved director's name, followed by quotes from various adult news sources about what a visionary Ivan is, and even the soundtrack has a voice saying "I Am Ivan... I-Am-Ivan.com." We then get the usual smattering of naked lady clips and techno—a preview of all the good times and witty interview responses to come in the following two hours. However, just before the intro fades out, we see this:

"Simply give Ivan creative control and his product speaks for itself." — X-Critic

They're kidding, right?

Fortunately, this kind of unabashed pride doesn't rear its head again, but the opening completely left a bad taste in my mouth. As a result, I feel like I viewed the rest of "This Is Why I'm Hot" in a harsh light.

It's a damn shame, really, because we've been anticipating this movie since May: we first previewed Asa Akira's scene, then Chanel Preston's, and finally Gracie Glam's. We didn't get an early whiff of Kristina Rose's scene, but all the same, every girl in this movie fucks her heart out and ends up covered in come and sweat. Chanel leads the charge with John Strong, showcasing her glorious blowjob skills by throwing her throat against his gigantic dick. John might not know how to kiss properly (we suppose face-chomping is close enough), but he screws Chanel so hard that she moans, screams, spits, and finally drops her voice an octave to declare—not exclaim—"Oh. My. God." These two keep a quick pace throughout the extra-long scene, there's never a dull moment between them, and you absolutely know that Chanel herself commanded those jets of jizz to fly across her face.

When asked what makes her hot, Asa Akira responds, "My brains and my personality." Ever the practical thinker, Ivan asks, "So how would you tease that?"

Asa pauses for a moment. "Does anyone have Sudoku?"

No one hands her the paper, but Alec Knight hands her his cock and she begins to suck it down her throat. Asa's dick slurping is so unbelievably loud that it makes you wonder how she eats soup. Her moans are a bit quieter, although when Alec lifts her ass up, strums her clit, and rims her, Asa starts hitting some powerful decibels again. They don't hold anything back from each other, and often have to take a break from humping with more oral; whenever Asa's orgasms make her breathing go ragged, she just hops off and says "duck-duck-duck" twenty times as Alec plunges her esophagus. They really do make a marvelous team!

However, no one in this movie can compete with Kristina Rose and Justice Young. What makes Kristina hot?

"I like to get fucked. I like to come. I like to make other people come. I like the smells. I like the tastes. I like the sounds. I like the feelings...I also started a collection of trolls, and I swallow as much come as I can."

Flawless answers. When her scene begins, Justice Young wastes no time spitting on his cock and diving into her pussy from behind. It seems like a bad idea at first—not to mention somewhat rude—but he gets her going with an endless stream of baritone dirty talk. He pulls out and gets Kristina on her knees, rattles his dick around her mouth, jerks off against her uvula, and directs her tongue all about his package. Ironically, Kristina boasts about her verbal skills in her interview, but she barely says a word the entire time. Oh well! We forgive her 100%.

Justice is extremely good at throwing Kristina around and quickly getting her into fresh positions: he takes her from a screaming doggie orgasm to piledriver position just by twirling her ankles, and after he's tired of crouching into her cooch, he pulls her on top for some reverse cowgirl. From here, we can see her face as she climaxes, and all of her muscles warp it into a (bizarrely gorgeous) death mask grimace. At this point—and this made me break out in a huge smile—Justice sits up, hugs the exhausted Kristina from behind, snuggles her, kisses her, and growls as he bites her shoulder. Then it's back to oiling up her behind, slamming her pussy, and sticking his thumb in her ass.

"This Is Why I'm Hot" is a fantastic movie that has a few glaring flaws. For one, each girl shows more energy and enthusiasm than a fuckable fusion bomb, but you notice some uncomfortable redundancies when the scenes are put next to each other. For example, every gal puts a finger or two in her ass, as if that were the only way we would know how extra-naughty they are. Second, the interview questions rarely get interesting or intimate. Gracie tells a funny story, and Kristina says some sassy things, but on the whole, they get asked the same old things you always see in interviews: How did you start porn? What do you love the most about fucking? What are your hobbies? Last, there's the whole Ivan thing.

I know in my heart that Ivan made this all possible, and you should always give glory to the director, but like it or not, people are watching this for the ladies. A press release said that the pure white background was designed to "help viewers focus on the girls' performances," but staring at a white screen didn't help my headache. Still, the good intentions were there, and we love directors who clearly love their actors. Porn chemistry goes beyond the vibes between performers, it extends to the relationship between director, star, and camera, and while Ivan clearly has loads of respect for (and comfortable, goofy banter with) the babes in this movie, he seemed more interested in showcasing his own multitude of skills.

Ivan deserves all the praise he's ever received, and he definitely has earned the right to boast, but he really should have let the product speak for itself.

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Kristina Rose
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Kristina Rose
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Kristina Rose
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Kristina Rose
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Kristina Rose
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Kristina Rose
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Chanel Preston
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Gracie Glam
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Gracie Glam
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Gracie Glam
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Gracie Glam
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Gracie Glam
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Asa Akira
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Asa Akira
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Asa Akira
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Asa Akira
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Asa Akira
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