First Impressions Of Hustler’s “This Ain’t Lady Gaga XXX”

Hustler gave us our first look at Axel Braun's latest parody with a SFW trailer/parody music video showcasing the fake Gaga's skills. It's not much, but we're going to pick it apart, compare it with the real life Lady Gaga, and grade it anyway.

Why? Because we're journalists—journalists who are wary of this wave of porn spoofing the lives of celebrities rather than shows, stories, and movies. Remember that Miley Cyrus parody that Hustler conveniently debuted on the young star's eighteenth birthday? Stuff like that tends to rub us the wrong way (and we usually like being rubbed like that). Most parody pornos are perversions of popular creative work, while these are usually just erotic adaptations of gossip.

Then again, Lady Gaga is more of a character than a person, and we haven't seen anything to suggest that the movie messes with her personal life. All we've seen so far is singing, dancing, and boobs that are too large to belong to Gaga, so let's focus on that.

If It Looks Like Gaga...: We've never seen Helly Mae Hellfire before—and she's only been in five or sex porn films in her career—but she does look a lot like the Lady with the proper makeup. Wouldn't anyone look like Lady Gaga if she were wearing the proper makeup? Yes, probably, but we appreciate Helly's ability to pull off the snarl because we think Gaga's lips are extremely sexy. In general, this is a more convincing imitation of Lady Gaga than the "Lady Gagger" that Lexi Swallow played in "Katy Pervy: The XXX Parody."

However, Helly's 32C tits are a bit too big to be Gaga's, and you can really see the difference when she wears that studded bra. Why couldn't Hustler find a girl with breasts like Gaga's? Maybe it has something to do with the singing and dancing. Visual Grade: B

If It Sounds Like Gaga...: It takes a skilled parodist to compose a song that suggests a popular tune without attracting a lawsuit, and whoever concocted this mock-up of "Telephone" did a mighty fine job. Maybe the lyrics are a tad on the wack side (e.g., "I'm tired of masturbating all alone without a maid/I might just fuck Beyonce 'cause I gotta get laid"), but it's the best anybody could hope for.

It sounds like Helly has the vocal chops for the job, but we could be misled! What if there's a pitch correcter at work, or worse, someone else doing the singing? We're just going to assume that this is actually Helly's pretty voice in the video. Aural Grade: A-

If It Dances Like Gaga...: We hate to be mean, but watching Helly dance makes us a little uncomfortable. We were right with her when she was on the telephone, shaking her forearms in front of her face and whatnot, but things turned awkward the minute she started flailing around the hallway. Furthermore, the choreography here is a bit goofy; even though this is supposed to be the "Telephone" video, the moves are clearly taken from the "Bad Romance" video. (That's right, we went through all of Lady Gaga's music videos in order to analyze the dancing against this trailer. We get paid for this.) Still, Helly doesn't hold back; she fucking owns that hallway, and we would be pretty intimidated if we ran into her in prison.

Do good dancers really make good lovers? Dancers would say so, but even then, good lovers don't necessarily make good porn performers, and we're still concerned about Helly's limited experience. We'd worry about how she represents Lady Gaga mid-coitus, but we're not sure how Gaga is in the sack either. For the record, we've heard that she prefers to be called "Stephanie" during sex, so there shall be no moaning of "Gaga." Body Rocking Grade: C

We feel moderately ok about "This Ain't Lady Gaga XXX," but we can't say for sure right now. We have yet to see any hardcore action or any of Helly's co-stars, and there are supposed to be many more celebrities spoofed in this film. Will Beyonce make an appearance? What about Tyrese and Alexander Skarsgard? Better question: why didn't they call it "Porn This Way"?

· "This Ain't Lady Gaga XXX"(thisaintladygagaxxx.com)