Porn For Straight Girls: They’re Hot ‘Cause They’re Fly Fucking

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Ottimo Massimo wrote a fantastic review of Tom Byron's "This Is Why I'm Hot." I mean, really, it is thorough. However, as he himself commented at the very end, he did not make any MIMS jokes. Therefore, I have attempted to use as many lines from that song in my review as possible. (Also, this is a great movie, and that part is not a joke.)

There is a lot of cheerleading of Ivan, the director, and I agree with Ottimo's sentiment that it takes the focus away from the ladies, who are the true stars of the show. I'm a big director-cheerleader myself, but I'm not into the manufactured compliment-time that Ivan grants himself. The performers are great women who have stellar scenes: Gracie Glam, Kristina Rose, Chanel Preston, and Asa Akira. They should be front, center, and first every time. Anyway!

Those who know me know I'm focused on the cream. MIMS almost definitely means money, but these girls spend a lot of time talking about come, and orgasms: their own and others'. Kristina Rose's response to why she's hot? "I like to come. I like to make other people come. I like the smells. I like the tastes. I like the sounds." Well, great then! "We fuck when I'm ready! I'm a winner!" she declares. She is definitely ready shortly thereafter. I liked Kristina. She was sassy, and her pubic hair was adorable, and at one point she's dancing in a beanie and big gold chain. When Justice Young (shaved head, sexy tattoos) shows up, there is no foreplay! This is Kristina Rose! Spit on your cock and stick it in her now! There is time for oral later. Kristina was also the girl who seemed to come the most, and the hardest; I believed in her orgasms because a girl doesn't make that face when she's faking. Justice Young was so cute, by the way. He was growling and biting and laughing and asked if Kristina was okay after he made her come.

Chanel Preston was a wrestler in junior high and high school, by the way. She even wrestled guys! That is bad-ass. It was hard for her to wrestle with boys, because they were worried about getting boners. Not a problem anymore, Chanel! John Strong is perfectly comfortable with getting a boner around her. John's not the most dynamic guy; I found his noises and his face-eating kissing technique kind of odd. But he fucks Chanel in a way that she appears to greatly enjoy, judging by her groaning and active engagement with his dick. And he's not bad-looking either. Asa Akira and Gracie Glam also had strong scenes, although they weren't my favorites. I like Gracie, and every movie I've seen her in has been great. I would like to mention, though, that when she sexy-dances before her scene, it looks like she's vogueing without the hands. It's a strange, serpent-y movement that you have to see to understand.

I enjoyed hearing the performers talk about why they love porn and sex, in a way that seemed open and honest. I mean, there's no guarantee that they're being truthful, but I was convinced that Chanel Preston was genuinely interested in being creative sexually, and that Gracie Glam is down to fuck no matter what mood she's in. Aesthetically, I get that the all-white, Matrix-esque set was supposed to be stark, but it was jarringly stark. I don't know if I could put this on while I was having sex, because the glare from the screen would be so distracting. But this was a really entertaining film, and I liked all the girls in it a lot. I would probably watch it for itself anyway, and the white background would be fine. So go for it! Also, there are at least three clips of this particular movie on our site, if you want a longer preview.

Also, I really dropped the ball on the MIMS jokes after a bit. But you're probably glad about that.

· Buy "This Is Why I'm Hot" (store.fleshbot.com)
· Image of Kristina Rose via Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)

Previously: Porn For Straight Girls Archive