“Escort”: If You’re Gonna Hire A $5k-a-Night Hooker, Selena Rose Is A Nice Option

"We all get fucked one way or the other for money," says Selena Rose to Kayden Kross in "Escort." So you might as well enjoy it.

Escort

Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Robby D.
Starring: Selena Rose, Kayden Kross, Riley Steele, Tommy Gunn, Manuel Ferrara, Marco Rivera, Jynx Maze

Review by: Gram Ponante

Robby D.'s production of a script by Scarlett L. is a near-perfect couples' vehicle that achieves the impossible: it creates a world in which someone would rather watch the Three Stooges than have sex with Kayden Kross.

This deft script, not so complex that we forget it's a porn movie but not so simple that it takes Digital Playground's "porn worth paying for" audience for granted, finds Kross meeting escort Selena Rose at a party.

Rose, whose mannerisms, dress, and confidence (in this movie, anyway) are reminiscent of a Latina Jesse Jane, raises the stakes early when she asks Kross if she can try on her wedding ring. Kross politely declines and their awkward conversation recovers (Rose: "We all get fucked one way or the other for money, right?"), but we distrust Rose immediately, even as we want to mount her like a stamp.

Back at home, Kross and husband Tommy Gunn bicker about scheduling. He can't go wine tasting this weekend because he has to work. Why didn't he tell her when he knew? She shuts off the light and turns her back to him. An idea forms: he's having an affair.

Kross hires Rose for five grand to seduce her husband, and Rose returns with the bad news that she has been successful. This sets off a chain of events Kross regrets.

Meanwhile, Gunn confides in business partner Manuel Ferrara that Kayden has been giving him the cold shoulder lately, which inspires my favorite exchange of the movie.

"I've wanted to fuck Kayden since third grade," Ferrara confesses.

"You've only known her for five years," Gunn says.

"Well, I'd like to think that third grade is when she got hot."

My second favorite exchange ranks right up there in what I imagine are the top ten male fantasies.

Kross, seeking revenge at the suggestion of Rose, approaches Ferrara with the following terms:

"I'm really vulnerable right now," she says. "I want you to not talk. I want you to take my clothes off and do whatever you want to do to me. And then I want you to walk out that door. Got it?"

"Got it," he says, not believing his goddamn luck.

Aside from the high-gloss couples' porn scenario of garden parties of highly attractive people with all their white wine and polished granite countertops to have sex on, "Escort" respects us enough to not stretch credibility too much; in a world of bombshells like Rose and Riley Steele, Kross looks demure by comparison. And we accept that, perhaps, her husband might stray to a feisty brunette when wine tastings cramp his style.

The only thing that was tough to swallow was why Kross didn't suspect Gunn's secretary, Riley Steele, right off the bat. Even if she were wearing a full beekeeper/HazMat suit, a woman looking like Riley Steele would be persona non grata in any spouse's workplace. Kross confesses the whole "I hired a hooker to catch my husband cheating" ploy to the ditzy Steele, even though it would be fully credible that it was Steele whom Gunn was banging.

And, like in Wicked's "The Escort," we find that our hooker isn't exactly on the level.

This made me wonder about the zeitgeist of Porn Valley lately. Two movies come out within weeks of each other, named similarly, featuring spurned blonde wives hiring brunette escorts to ensnare their husbands (In Wicked's version, it's Stormy Daniels who hires Andy San Dimas to entrap Marcus London who, coincidentally, is Tommy Gunn's housemate and business partner in real life). Furthermore, the wives develop an almost-sexual confidante relationship with the woman they've hired to fuck their husbands. But then the hookers turn out to be less than moral.

What does this say about Porn Valley's attitude toward the people who perform sex for pay? I mean, We all get fucked one way or the other for money, right?

"Escort" is a well-shot and smart movie, filled with good-looking people doing it. I would ask for nothing more than for my best friend's wife to say, "I want you to not talk. I want you to take my clothes off and do whatever you want to do to me. And then I want you to walk out that door. Got it?"

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
· Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)

Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Escort" (tlavideo.com)