Sex Toys Of The Rich and Famous

Hey, are you a rich piece of shit? First of all, welcome to the blog, and second of all, here are some sex toys you might want to purchase with some of your fuck you money. All of them are high end versions of stuff you can buy much cheaper elsewhere, but why would you do that? You're rich! You can buy anything you want... except the love of your children.

These toys come to us courtesy of Rabbits Reviews, and include such gems as The Royal Pearl, seen above, which carries a price tag of...

If that's just a shade outside your price range, here are some infinitely more affordable sex toys...

Ever want a pony when you were little? Well, how about a butt plug with a real horse’s mane attached? For just under $3,500, this can be yours. The actual plug part is, well, a little scary looking. It looks like a drill head to be honest with you. I’m guessing it’s shaped for your pleasure, but it’s a wee bit disconcerting. There are many nooks and crannies in this thing. Perfect for getting soiled… if you’re picking up what I’m putting down. Oh c’mon, you were thinking it!

Yeah, I was thinking it. I was also thinking about how rich people's shit doesn't stink, so I guess there's that. 

If butt plugs aren’t your cup of ass play, how about the Paradise String of Pearls? It runs for for only a bit more at $4,254. To me, they look like scrubbing sponges you use on the sink, but hey. I’m also not completely sure how you use them and does anyone else find the resemblance to pearls a bit lacking here? The intriguing part here is that apparently only those familiar with this toy can tell when it’s being worn by someone. If anyone understands how this one works, let a sister know, mmmk?

Come on, you know what this is for. It's for scrubbing cum stains off of your maid's dress so your wife doesn't find out you have a secret baby with her. Or something, I haven't got a fucking clue what you do with this.

This is called Victor Phantasm, which sounds like the name of a Rob Lowe character from some shitty show that lasts half a season. What does this guy do?

Got a spare $59,200 laying around? Forget the luxury car or the RRSP. Why not throw it all on the Victor Phantasm. This comes from the mind of a jeweler from Paris. Built into this sleek gadget is an 18-carat diamond ring. Not only does it look flashy as you fuck it, but you can remove the ring to wear on your finger. It has 177 diamonds in it. 177! Can my vagina handle that much bling? It might feel inadequate… like it can’t quite pull it off.

Word. My explanation still feels more likely, but what can you do?

Via Rabbits Reviews