Looking for Someone Other Than Your Wife? Ashley Madison May Not Be Right

Despite the bold claims made by that insanity-inducing jingle, AshleyMadison.com may not be the best place to find someone with whom you'd like to have an affair. Until now, they were the trendsetter for adulterous adventures—and annoying repurposing of popular music—but thanks to a data breach, they're now the best place to have your personal information become a bargaining chip in a cyber-extortion plot.

According to WGN TV (link below), a group calling itself "The Impact Team"—which sounds like one of those groups of Christian strong men that go around ripping phone books in half and baptizing people, because Jesus—has hacked into Ashley Madison's database, uncovered the personal data of some 37 million of the site's users, and is now holding that information hostage.

A group that calls itself “The Impact Team” claims it has possession of Ashley Madison’s client database.

It’s threatening to expose those clients, and their sexual secrets, unless the web site is taken down permanently.

The hackers also claim that Ashley Madison is lying when it promises to permanently erase any client’s record for $19.

Ashley Madison’s slogan is “Life is short. Have an affair.”

Yeah, they're definitely gonna have to change that slogan now. Here are some potential new slogans for them...

Ashley Madison: Life is Short, So are the Chances Your Data was Stolen

Ashley Madison: We're No Longer A Better Option Than Craigslist

Ashley Madison: Discretion was Once Our Middle Name

Ashley Madison: You Were Wanting a New Social Security Number, Weren't You?

Ashley Madison: Protected by the Best Anti-Hacker Software in the Industry Since July 20, 2015

Via WGN TV