Best of Reddit: “Describe the Best Sex You’ve Ever Had”

I'm not going to lie to you guys. When I got on a thread called "Describe the best sex you've ever had," I was expecting a lot of "and then she sucked my dick while she swung on a trapeze" stories, and that's not at all what I found. At all. (Minus one story about a leaking boat, but, you know.)

In fact, what I found was much, much better, and reading all the stories in a row gave me an excellent glance into what it is that makes some people so good in bed. I didn't have to read far into anything at all though (what a waste of a journalism degree) because the word was written all over the damn page: Enthusiasm. People who love to do whatever it is they're doing are apparently magnetic. Let's begin with the second post, shall we?

How to (really) fuck like a porn star

And here I was, thinking I'd just been making audible observations all these years. This chick agrees, too:

Down with the dead fish

In her defense, women are conditioned to think guys are bullshitting us when they say we stand out.

Some nights

So, to recap the sex advice for all humans: Have fun and get excited. REFRESHINGLY ATTAINABLE, isn't it?

Fucking with the fabric softener 

This story is amazing, and I would also like to be turned on every time I do the laundry. Noted. 

This escalated quickly 

See, guys? Why do we bother wearing pants at all? 

It isn't just enthusiasm that seems to be the key to becoming a Sexual God(ess). Genuine sexual compliments (aka, those audible observations I was mentioning) are big, too: 

Good thing I know Parseltongue

In the words of Charles Buxton, "Success is due less to ability than zeal." And I can certainly get on board with that.