Sex Factor Episode 2 Review

Hello, friends, and welcome back for another review of XHamster's new reality series The Sex Factor. Now that porn is becoming an original content creator akin to X-rated Netflix, we can all die happy. The episodes are 30 minutes long, and though they're not SFW, they are produced just like any other reality TV show you've seen on the big networks. Anyways, let's get crackin'. Or bangin'. Whatever. 

Episode 2 more or less opens with the women competing in a photoshoot for Hustler—the best photos win the cover, as you might imagine. (Somewhere out there, last week's loser Caspian, the Chronic Masturbator, is sobbing into a Fleshlight, except probably not because there's this super mysterious scene where Keiran and Asa are telling him to go with them somewhere. I imagine homeboy will do alright for himself.) The ladies don their heels and lingerie for an America's-Next-Top-Model-style photoshoot, complete with criticism from the acclaimed photographer Holly Randall. This bit is actually incredibly useful for any hopeful porn stars out there, as she highlights one of the most important things about getting work in the industry: Versatility. 

Interestingly enough, it's currently easier to work for Corporate America with tattoos than in mainstream porn, so if you are an aspiring performer, Think Before You Ink. There is, of course, an alt niche, but it's tough to be shot as "the teen next door" if you're covered in tats. (You know who doesn't care if you have tattoos? Fleshbot. Thanks, Fleshy.) Naturally, I took notes on this process even though I don't model for Hustler—because I am an American woman and I occasionally need to send a nude to a Gentleman Caller, thank you. *SnapChat game strong.*

Anyways. Holly both complimented and criticized the remaining female contestants, and here is what I've gathered: 

• Purple hair is not versatile. Sorry Allie.
• Tattoos are not versatile. Sorry most of the people on this show and also on Planet Earth.
• Flexibility is, quite literally, versatile. #TeamBlair.
• Make sure your boob job is legit. 
• Bruises are not photogenic, and running into things is also painful. 

Meanwhile, the men were learning how to strip/pole dance at the Hustler Strip Club, which was infinitely entertaining, mostly because the majority of them ended up just doing pushups on stage. (Props to whoever their sexy teacher was.) The gents' challenge was to circle jerk around a making-out-Veronica-and-Blair to see who could get hard first. The winner got to turn his dick into a dildo that will actually be sold, so that's pretty fun. Sounds easy, right? WRONG. Getting a boner on command proves to be very difficult, particularly when you're in a room full of dudes you probably don't particularly like. Also, making a dildo reminds me of having my retainer molds done as a child. Both the former and the latter generally make me gag when inserted into my mouth. 

When it came time to decide who would be eliminated in this episode (SPOILER ALERT), there was a big surprise: Veronica from Wall Street took a cryptic job elsewhere and is QUITTING THE SEX FACTOR. She says a contract like the one she snagged has never been forged in porn, and I have no idea what she could possibly be talking about. All I know is that the judges wanted to kick off someone else and they were not entirely happy they didn't get to. Le sigh. One thing is for sure, though: This show really nails the weird twists at the end. This behind-the-scenes look at porn and the newbies that aspire to join it inspired me to draft yet another list, though. Eh hem:

Things About Porn That Look Hard

• Backbends against walls in stilettos. Or just backbends against walls. Or just backbends in general.
• Not having tattoos, because I have them.
• Dropping all the way down a pole and not killing yourself. 
• Faking an orgasm. (LOL, JK.) 

Also of note: I will be buying that Clone-A-Willy kit to give as a gift immediately.

Colette out.