The Weekly Mindfuck: Experience

A concept that's been particularly elusive in my life is the idea of being sexually experienced. See, when I started having sex, I knew I wasn't experienced in the slightest. I knew I felt a little awkward with my movements, a little self-conscious. I also knew that would change with time. 

But I never crossed this line of "experienced." I just kept having sex, sometimes with just one partner and sometimes with several, but I never felt like I had achieved some kind of all-knowing sexual pinnacle of wisdom. How many years of sexual practice make you experienced? How many partners? How many items on your fucket list do you have to check off to be counted among the experienced. And, of course, does writing about sex make you inherently more tenured than your comrades?

Overarchingly, I'm still so aware how much left there is to learn, how many things there are to try. I've never had sex on a plane! I've never tried anything in the Kama Sutra. I still haven't had group sex, and my lingerie collection could be infinitely larger. Eventually, I had a thought: Maybe being sexually experienced isn't so much like racking up stamps on your passport as it is about becoming knowledgeable about yourself and your body - knowing what makes you tick, what kinds of things you already like and which ones you want to try. I think it means becoming confident in your skin and being able to fully submerge yourself in the moment.

Perhaps becoming sexually experienced is growing into your potential - not fulfilling it. I, like many of the rest of us, still have some work to do there, but it seems like a far more satisfying benchmark. Don't you think?