Memphis Monroe (And Her Bewbies) Come to Las Vegas

Even though we have never gone to a Hustler Casino, our impressions of them are fonda anyway since every bus in L.A. sports a poster of Memphis Monroe hyping them. Kentucky's own Monroe is now no longer a Hustler contract girl (and Hustler has abandoned that whole contract girl business since she left), so she is no longer jetting around to Hustler Hollywood stores in Ohio on Uncle Larry's Gulfstream but meeting fans the old-fashioned way: in Vegas with a new set of boobs.

"I got new bewbies," Monroe said in an e-mail (although I could have told how she spelled that word in person just by looking at her mouth. Oh God. I think I need to be alone.) "And I need to try them out."

To that end, Monroe is flogging her relaunched website by inviting two lucky (and carefully vetted) contest winners with her for a weekend in Vegas that will include "strip clubs and partying with me."

On the face of it, going to a strip club with Memphis Monroe sounds like a huge pile of fun, but if you have ever gone to a strip club with a hot girl you can define anew the word "invisible", because strippers will pay no attention to you aside from shoving you out of their way. Still, Monroe says, the point is you'll be with her and she can cater the weekend around you.

What's more, the other contest winner comes on a different weekend so you get Monroe (and her bodyguard) all to yourself.

Yes, yes, yes. But what about the boobs?

"The boobies are great!!" Monroe said. "I love them, they feel so natural and hang really nice..."

All right. Well I'm convinced. So there you are, with your boobs, and I have just won a trip to Vegas with you...

"The winners really get the treat," she said. "First off, they will be flown into Las Vegas where they will be met by limo and a VIP host. They will then be taken to their Strip hotel (we haven't chosen the hotel yet). Throughout their time in Las Vegas they will be getting dinner reservations, hitting the gentleman's clubs, VIP bottle service at the nightclubs, laying poolside in the cabana, sightseeing the Strip, and a Spa Package from their hotel. All with me by their side."

"I still don't understand bottle service," I said.

"I explain the whole thing."

· Memphis Monroe Contest (memphiscontest.com)