Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Budget Floggers And Whips!

I imagine the BDSM community potluck to which an enthusiast arrives with the plastic Red Rider Crop or Zipper Whipper, each adorned with the "Fetish" label. It's like when I unknowingly dug my grave by answering "K-Mart" to recess yard dandies who asked me where my mother bought my Toughskins.

Read our review of these products after the gap.

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It's important to remember that hitting one's partner really only requires an open, loving hand and the passion to wield it, but to fetishize the fetish requires creating a product to redden and engorge those we love.

Unlike most technologies, fetish gear is usually high-end right off the bat, as if "consumer" whips and duds couldn't possibly do the trick. That is why when the box containing these two items arrived, each in plastic and leatherette with the stylized "As Seen on TV"-esque "Fetish" label, I thought, "I suppose the poor have needs, too."

I shouldn't have been surprised that I would have a class-based reaction when I saw these cheap products (the short crop broke immediately); the BDSM world is all about status. I have seen friends into the scene shell out thousands of dollars for the right harness and horsey gear; they would sniff at these low-rent products and beat the crap out of the person wielding them (and probably take him to task on his Toughskins, too).

Of the two, the more solid is the Zipper Whipper, a flogger so-called because its handle is in a zippered covering. Zipping and unzipping this covering does nothing; it's like a toy to increase hand-eye coordination in babies, except it's, you know, a flogger.

I bet these products would be great joke gifts for bachelor/bachelorette parties, presented at just the right moment when the timorous couple might be at their most adventurous. Then, as their scruples returned, the crop would break.

· Buy the Fetish^TM Zipper Whipper (gloryholecity.inadult.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)

Previously: MATK Archive