Photoplay: “Dirty Talk”

We all know the standard porn setup of the cable guy, pool cleaner, and Greenpeace canvaser, but DCypher's "Dirty Talk" throws some love to female stereotypes, to wit: the repressed sex writer. Photographed beautifully by Red Ezra and featuring the delicious Nautica Thorn, the movie is fantastically bad with the sound up. Join us for some odd couplings of words to pictures after the gap.

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Nautica Thorn plays a sex writer trapped in an uncommunicative relationship with James Deen. He tells her he is hard and wants to fuck now, but she blows him off, and not in a good way. "Don't you think it's ironic that you write an Internet sex column and you don't make time to make love with your boyfriend?" No, because Internet sex writers know what ironic means. Those are also the nails we use to type.

Still, Deen and Thorn have some valedictory sex, though neither knows it at the time. Throughout the movie, we can hear the stage directions in the background, people laughing, and I think even shooting sex scenes in other rooms. AVN gave this movie its highest rating.

Thorn's column is called "Dirty Talk". Van Damage writes to Nautica seeking a way to add spark to his failing marriage. "She's put on five pounds, I've put on ten," Damage laments. Oh my God, annul that shit, stat!

"Bathe her, worship her," Thorn directs. "Allow yourself to connect to that thing that turned you on in the first place."

The soon-to-be-born-again Crissy Moran writes to say that she is a lesbian. "The only real fun I have is watching lesbian porn and flipping through the swimsuit calendar with the lights dimmed," she says. We flash to Moran watching lesbian porn and licking a dildo.

Moran is reading "Best Lesbian Erotica" at an espresso bar and thumb-biting Ashley Steele comes in, orders a coffee, passes Moran her number, and leaves without the coffee. Silly lesbian!

Meanwhile, Deen hooks up with his secretary and Thorn hooks up with Nick Manning. "I feel free now," Thorn says.

Manning understands. "Michael could never understand that he's hung up on a world of secrets and lies that hurt," he says, wrapping it all up. "It's all about love and honesty and pleasure."

· Metro Interactive (metrointeractive.com)
· Buy "Dirty Talk" (gamelink.com)

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Previously: Photoplay Archive