DVD Review: “Couples Seduce Teens #6”

I liked "Couples Seduce Teens 6", a movie made for probably $12k, better than the multisquillion dollar "Janine Loves Jenna". Why? The stories were more compelling and they left the lights on. Bonus: no one committed suicide!

Read our review after the gap. - GP

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Couples Seduce Teens 6

Studio: Pink Visual

Director: Rico Strong

Cast: Julie, Kaci, Sammie, Kinzy, Emily Evermore, Veronica Rayne, Lexi Lamour, Ethan Cage

Review by Gram Ponante

This Internet-to-DVD series is one of my favorites because, when the right couple is involved, one is fairly certain that when they aren't collecting fees for their work, they are picking up girls at the gym anyway.

Such is the case with real-life couple Lexi Lamour and Ethan Cage. The scenario of an older (well, she's in her 30's, which is darkly erotic in our metropolitan areas) woman luring the 19-year-old Kaci to her home for a post-workout "protein shake" is almost feasible.

Kaci feigns surprise that Cage comes to pick the ladies up in his Honda. "I thought you said you weren't married," Kaci gamely protests.

"Oh, he's the one who makes the protein shakes," Lamour says.

If you lived in Southern California for at least three weeks and had breasts, it is likely the very same thing would happen to you.

Once home and with honest-to-God protein shakes delivered (in wax cups), Kaci is still shy.

"You seem intimidated," the confident and amiable Lamour says. "But you're in good hands."

"Am I?" Kaci asks.

The first scene of these movies is always the longest. It is usually the only one that bothers with an extended setup, establishing for the rest of the movie the dance long-term couples must do every goddamn time they lure home a teen.

But this movie takes its time with each interlude, which makes the title better.

Lamour dons a strap-on and Kaci reveals she has two pierced nipples and a tongue stud. "You're no innocent teen," I spat. One has the sinking feeling that this was all planned. Further de-hoisting my suspension of belief was Kaci's "Jesus Loves Porn Stars" t-shirt, ubiquitously available at the Erotica L.A. and AVN conventions.

Reality aside, if you're in the steam room and Lamour approaches, do anything she says. Get in the car with her and do anything she says.

Next up is Michelle and Reno scouting for Julie, who they find outside a panaderia selling nuts for a school trip. As intriguing was the backstory, I fast-forwarded. The interesting thing was that Julie probably made more money with this scene than she would have selling trinkets in a parking lot.

The Couples Seduce Teens series has evolved a little since the last time we visited it. A little more attention is paid to a throughline, and it pays off. The setups don't take the audience for granted, either; no one believes this is really happening, but the reactions are fun to watch.

Especially when potential babysitter Kinzy comes by to Veronica Rayne's house to find her and her husband, Joe (Pink Visual keeps budgets low by not identifying any of the couples in the credits and reducing the teens to single names ... this is infuriating) in the hot tub naked.

"Sorry," they say. "Whoops."

The couple quiz Kinzy on her sexual activity.

"Is this a question you should ask babysitters?" she asks.

"Well, I don't want to come home and find you and your boyfriend having sex on the couch," Joe replies, his dick hanging out of his towel. "Not that that would be bad."

Kinzy is the most reticent of the teens; she takes some working on. At the end, she finds that the couples' "babies" are dogs. It's sweet.

Lexi and Ethan are back for a tryst with Emily Evermore, who they find at Porn Valley's Pierce College. If Kinzy was reticent to the point of being a little boring, Evermore breaks her innocent character now and then with porn tropes like "How do you like that pussy??"

A movie that tries its best to conform to the tenets of reality porn, Couples Seduce Teens 6 succeeds through the exertions of its horny couples, even if the girls they pick up don't seem worth the effort. Myself, I would have just stayed home with Lexi or Veronica. Jesus. Who needs teens?

· Buy "Couples Seduce Teens 6" (gamelink.com)

· Couples Seduce Teens (paysite preview @ couplesseduceteens.com)

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