Porn Valley Dispatch: Tina Tyler Gets Wood

Getting, maintaining, and resolving an erection (or "wood", as the kids in Porn Valley are bought up to say) are essential to the success of male porn performers. Now Tina Tyler, beloved former performer and current directrix of various newbie, blowjob, and solo male masturbation titles, is calling for new male talent to jack off for her. She says it will help women.

See how after the gap. - GP

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Because I only think about myself, I was surprised when Tyler told me that female performers are dissatisfied with the paltry, er, stream of new male talent versus the gushing torrents of fresh females that arrive in Porn Valley every day.

"When I was performing, Nina Hartley would call me up and squeal every now and then when a new cute guy got in the business," Tyler said. "There are very few eligible guys out there that the female talent hasn't worked with 16 times."

So Tyler has launched GuysPopBy.com, seeking new male talent to jerk off for her.

"Men who are over 21 will send me their picture, and twice a month there will be auditions," Tyler said. "I film the auditions and every other month there will be a winner."

"How does one audition?" I breathed.

"You walk into the room, I ask you your first name and age, a little basic information, you disrobe, get an erection, and jack off for the camera."

"I do this," I clarified.

"No, someone else does," she said.

"What will you be wearing?" I asked, pointing out that she has in the past directed her male masturbation videos topless.

"Well, I won't be wearing a sweatshirt and jeans," she said, ashamed of my love.

A bi-monthly winner will be chosen by online voting, filmed for the website, paid "the normal starting rate" for a male performer, and paired with a female performer.

I asked Tyler what the winning candidate might need to do, above and beyond ejaculating on time.

"He'll need to smell good," she said, painful memories returning to her. "Girls like guys who smell good. I'll be sniffing around just in case."

· Guys Pop By (guyspopby.com)
· Tina Tyler (myspace.com)

Previously: DVD Review: "Fresh Out Of The Box 4", Gayish Porn Of The Moment: "Handyman 3", Porn Valley Dispatch Archive