The Best of Craigslist

Once again it's time to swim through the churning sea of humanity known as Craigslist to learn what sort of sexual tempests our brothers and sisters have been caught up in lately. Looking deep into the soul of mankind is never easy ... but it's often hilarious. This month: a young man pleads for his life, a lesbian changes teams, playas get hated, the unfortunately-named Paco gets into some hot water ... and we finish it off with the kind of personals ad that Craigslist was made for. (Shout if you love to EAT ASS!) Catch 'em before they disappear!

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The Best of the "Best of Craigslist"

· No more sex. Please. (San Francisco)

The first 2 days just about killed me, but for the first time in my life I was satisfied. Given my sex drive I thought that maybe I had had a stroke somewhere in the 40 hrs of damn near continuous sex. But I'm a gentleman, so I gave you another 20. But now that we're working on 4 days here I'm starting to panic. It's like I'm being taught some kind of horrible lesson, but I can only pray that I'm dreaming.

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· 10 Reasons to Date a Lesbian (San Diego)

5. I don't call myself bisexual. Bi chicks have a reputation for cheating on their husbands and being incapable of sustaining meaningful relationships with women. It may be a generalization, but I've met enough of them to know that I don't ever want to date one or to be called one. It's just not my style.

6. You never have to wonder if I slept with that other guy. I didn't.

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· You Might Be Fucking My Roommate, but... (Milwaukee)

Fucking in our common areas. The only reason I know this shit goes on is because I've found the condom wrappers in very odd locations. There's nothing I can do about this, but it creeps me out to think about where either your or her ass has been. If I knew you were both clean and conscious individuals, this might be an area of negotiation, but I know her habits. I've seen glimpses into yours. Do what you want in the shower. Otherwise, stay in her room, I beg you.

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The Rest of Craigslist (These posts expire after one week, though we try to preserve the entire message for posterity.)

· Rant No Dick for Me Tomorrow AM (Northern Virginia)

Hmm so one of my favorite tricks who up and got married contacted me yesterday and he wanted some head and ass action. We made plans to meet tomorrow AM at my place before work and he had to cancel. Seems his new nosey wife installed tracking software on their home computer and busted him. Hmm missing that dick......

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· RANT: I can't stop fantasizing about my boss (Boston)

I really can't stop fantasizing about my bosss...it's a fun little fantasy, but really inappropriate! He's not my direct boss, rather he's the CEO, so I guess he's my bosses boss (they're just about equals, though). I generally don't have a thing for older men, but he is really handsome and a nice guy. He always has a big smile and a hello for me...the other day he told me that he wishes the company were filled with more of me because he likes how I get things done...yeah, that lent itself to about a half an hour of me closing my office door and getting all wet...Trying not to think about it is just not working. I'm a happily involved girl, but I suppose indulging in a little fantasy to keep boredom away never hurt anyone...

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· Re : RANT Now I understand.....the oral sex thing (San Franciso - East Bay)

My wife and I have been arguing about this for the last three days now. I want her to give me head and she says "I'm not even interested in being interested in giving you head". Yes, you read that correctly. She said "Im not even interested in being interested"!

That really hurt my feelings. I am very clean and smell good and it really kills me to see women on this forum who talk about men who are in it for themselves. I will eat my wife and send her straight to heaven anytime she wants, but God forbid that I want to get head once or twice a month !

I'm even starting to think that maybe I should get a divorce, after 11 years of marriage. I feel like I cant take being deprived much more. Two of the most important things to me are getting head, and secondly, her cooking for me. I do most of the cooking, but it would be nice if she would take interest. I dont think that my wife gives a shit about pleasing her man, but then she gives me two pages of shit that she is expecting from me.

This is SO unfair! I believe that I am a good man and I deserve to get some head ! I give much, and I should get much back.

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· why do fat chicks like it anal? cuz it's tight? (New York)

Why do fat chicks always pretend they are virgins in the ass department and then I slam my meat into them and they just beg for more and to do it harder and harder.

It is major work to please a fat chick and one that loves the anal ca bob.

so question: Do fat chicks take it up the butt in a disproportionate amount and does this have anything to do with their support of Hillary Clinton?

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· To the players out there: what's the point of fucking all these women? (Los Angeles)

So I am a guy, 28, serial monogamist, I like falling in love with a woman, becoming close to her, becoming comfortable enough with her to be myself, sharing experiences, learning a new take on things, just hanging out together like best friends who are also tender with each other. I guess that makes me a bit of a pussy, but I'm with a girl now, she's in the same profession, she's my best friend, and we will be getting married in the next few years. Even if this doesn't work, I'll porbably just go out and find another companion.

I have had a few one night stands, and some short fucking relationships as well, but I just found them unsatisfying. There's the thrill of victory, but everything else is subpar - you have to wear condoms, it's a bit awkward, you don't really enjoy each other as people so all the time spent outside of sex isn't that great, you have to watch what you say or else you forfeit the sex, in short, you're playing the game, not being yourself, and it's tiresome and uncomfortable.

So what's the big thrill of nailing one chick after another and moving on? I mean, they all have the same holes, don't they? How different can it be after the 100th one? You're just going through the same motions, or with slight variation, on each date, each pick up. Is there much variety in bed? Do you get to do everything you want?

What's the attraction? Is it just the ego boost that comes from knowing that you can get into their pants? But this isn't even that much of a victory anymore, they are as horny as we are, so who's fucking who? It seems so strange and obligatory, to perform this sexual act with every stranger you can, like a ritual of some kind.

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· Ladies, just because I get you off.....multiple times..... (Seattle)

Doesn't mean I love you or are in love with you. It just means I care about getting you off. I care because I have heard too many times "that hasn't happened in a really long time" and "Nobody has ever done that before". It breaks my heart and kills me to hear things like this.

Guys WTF? you're making us look bad. Not to mention makes it hard for guys like me to just have a little fun.....they always get so clingy when you get them off. Personally I like it. Making a woman climax is almost as good as climaxing myself.

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· Warning! Ladies if you slep with PACO (Los Angeles)

If any lady here slep with PACO in the last 2 years, you better get tested.

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· Re: Warning! Ladies if you slep with PACO (Los Angeles)

Uh, seriously, who would be dumb enough to sleep with anyone by such a stupid name as Paco?

Who would also be stupid enough to have unprotected sex, especially with a dork named Paco?

If you're dumb enough to sleep with someone by such a stupid name, sans condom, you deserve your diseases.

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· LOVES TO EAT FEMALE ASS!!! - m4w (Toronto - with pictures!)

THIS AD IS VERY SIMPLE AND TO THE POINT!!! I LOVE TO EAT FEAMLE ASS!!!! FOR THOSE WHO LOVE IT BEING DONE TO THEM, THIS AD IS FOR YOU!! TOO ASHAMED TO SAY ANYTHING?....BOYFRIEND OR HUBBY WON'T DO IT!!! HERE I AM!! ATTRACTIVE, LIGHT SKINNED BKACK MALE FOR YOUR PLEASURE...NO $$$...WOMEN ONLY...JUST LIE BACK AND ENJOY!!! REPLY WITH PICS IF POSSIBLE.

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Previously: Best of Craigslist Archive