The Britney Spears Sex Tape: Don’t Hold Your Breath

There are several ways to interpret TMZ's upsetting news today that contrary to all those lawsuits, false sightings, and rampant speculation, there is in fact no Britney Spears sex tape after all. Could it be a diversionary tactic by the formerly happy couple to forestall a possible bidding war? Are they planning on pulling a Pam and Tommy Lee and releasing the tape themselves someday as a means of calling attention to themselves when future generations as yet unborn have forgotten that Brit-Brit and K-Fed were actually famous at one point? Or could it be—and this is what we've all been dreading, but have perhaps known deep down all along—that the alleged sex tape never existed in the first place? Ponder the possibilities while we try to think about other things to post about. Our slow news week just got a whole lot slower.

· "There Is No Sex Tape" (tmz.com)
· "Spears And Federline To Kill Your Sex Tape Dreams" (Defamer)
· "Britney's Sex Tape Mystery" (usmagazine.com)
· Thumbnail via Pornzio, since this is about as close we're going to get to seeing Britney playing the skin flute for the time being

Previously: No, It's Not Her, BREAKING: Britney Spears Sex Tape, Maybe, You, The People: Britney or Not Britney?, DVD: "Britney Rears 3: Britney Gets Shafted"