DVD Review: “Blacklight Beauty”

"A 'blacklight beauty' is an old strip joint expression," director Jack the Zipper told me. "It refers to a girl who only looks good under a black light, who you wouldn't want to see during the day."

I think the cast Mr. the Zipper assembled for this flick would look very fetching indeed under any light conditions, but I agree that they would look more appropriate grinding on some Bukowski types rather than, say, giving a morning class at the garden store. Read our review of "Blacklight Beauty" after the gap. - G. Ponante

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Blacklight Beauty

Studio: Pulse Pictures
Director: Jack the Zipper
Cast: Faith, Allie Sin, Jade Starr, Charlotte Stokely, Brea Bennett, Riley Mason, Alicia Alighotti, Charlie Laine, Joanna Angel, Loretta Loren, Taryn Thomas, Roxy Deville

Review by G. Ponante

When Jack the Zipper conceived of this film, which he describes as "My 'Exile on Main Street'", he must have had the Pope or Prince in mind, because everything looks vaguely purple (it's true - I even tried degaussing my screen).

But the movie, which begins with one of the old MPAA "XXX" ratings cards from Times Square days, is all about capturing the feel of a seedy dive from times long past. Even the faux Quincy Jones/Isaac Hayes score lends the film a classic exploitation vibe.

Everything from the better-than-average packaging to the cover art has High Expectations written all over it, so I was a little let down when the first scene revealed itself to be nothing more than a well-shot bathroom romp with the tight Allie Sin. It's not that Sin isn't as compact a sex machine as anything our laboratories can produce, but when I hear 'Exile on Main Street' and 'old strip joint', I expect a sloppy, desperate hoedown that makes up in enthusiasm what it lacks in technical proficiency. Sin, on the other hand, is nothing if not technically proficient.

Things start cooking in Scene Two, featuring an Oliver Twist-y Riley Mason in a girl-girl interlude, and Scene Three, with covergirl Faith's flashlit gangbang in a darkened theatre.

In a surf guitar-scored scene, Jade Starr dons a striped strap-on to match one stripe-stockinged leg and gives every inch of it (the strap-on, but maybe there's a cutting room floored version with the leg?) to her partner.

My favorite scene involves A Clown in a strip joint.

"So, you like walking in to classy establishments dressed like an asshole and expect pretty girls to pay attention to you?" asks a hood of a man dressed as a Clown (with a shoutout to North Hollywood's Circus Jr. Liquors to boot).

In that the Clown is joyously serviced by stripper Taryn Thomas one chapter stop later, the scheme paid off.

In the next scene, Charlotte Stokely, wearing a mascara bandit mask, is attended to by James Deen as a muezzin wails on the soundtrack. This sequence wandered into wrongheaded steveporn territory for me, as I found myself pulling my forelock in confusion rather than pulling anything else. Is it sexy when you have to figure it out? I mean, I kept wondering if they were about to be interrupted by the faithful being called to prayer.

We return to Riley Mason, except this time she's with a fellow (Deen again). The blacklight really works for the pale, dark-haired Mason, and the casting, lighting, and editing choices coalesced for the movie's most solid scene, which combined the Zipper's trippy artistry with a coupling that would appeal to a cross-section of porn consumers.

The Clown returns to fit Joanna Angel with a circus vibrator. Part of Angel's appeal, I think - in that she returns to this expression often - is her appearing surprised by what is happening to her, even if it is clear she asked that Clown to spit in her pussy.

Mr. the Zipper has created a hybrid genre with "Blacklight Beauty": a despair-laden arthouse gonzo with wacky recurring characters. I expect black-clad wry teens on Melrose Ave. to start showing up with The Clown t-shirts very soon.

· Jack the Zipper (jackthezipper.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive