Morning Wood

Top of the morning to all of you. My name is Jesus Martinez and I will be your Fleshbot guest editor for the week. I would like to thank the lovely smut peddlers at Gawker Media for giving me the opportunity to step off the assembly line and on to the internet. America really is the land of dreams and I would have never thought as a boy in Mexico that I would end up here, mainly because there were no such things as computers back then. Some of you will hate me and I am okay with that, because I hate everything. Now—onto Morning Wood!

· I have never used a vibrator on myself, but I am pretty sure you have, and if you haven't your wives probably have because you are incapable of satisfying them. So be a good husband and get her one of these for her "real" sex partner. (condom.com, via sexblo.gs)

· "Sex" and "Porn" are still the top Google search terms, which comes to no surprise to me as they're probably the only 2 words most of you know. But don't take my word for it. (Xbiz)

· Serbian women don't like sex machines, but Serbian men seem to like sitting in their basements making them. Sometimes irony is a bitch. (ananova.com)

· For perverts like me, one benefit of Myspace is that we have the ability to actually message girls we want a piece of—and if we're lucky, they message us back. This burlesque girl is in a band. Listen to her song about her crazy mother. (myspace.com)

· Just because a high percentage of graphic designers are a little on the fruity side doesn't mean they have to infiltrate corporate America with their subliminal homo logos. (Radar)

· Anara Gupta, the Punjabi beauty queen who was accused of moonlighting as a porn star, is putting her dirty laundry behind her and getting on with her Bollywood career—read her story, and see the fake porn photos that ruined her life. (telegraphindia.com + bollywoodsargam.com)

· A Scottish psychiatrist is stealing my techniques ... by using masturbation therapy on his patients. (news.scotsman.com)