Dressing for Kink Success

A Quick Guide to What the Stylish Perv Wears to Party.

Nobody wants to walk into a kink party and realize too late that they didn’t dress for the party they’re attending. It’s easy to joke about the need to choose between 51 shades of black in one’s kink closet, but the truth is more complex. For instance, it’s true that black is usually a safe fallback fashion choice, but there may be times when you need to consider your selection carefully or even choose something else entirely.

Context is Everything is one of my mantras and certainly applies when deciding how to dress for a kink soiree. All such events are not the same, so dressing the same for all kink events makes no sense. If kink is anything, it’s unique to each individual, their imaginations, their resources, and their situations.

T-Shirts: If you suddenly find yourself in need of something to wear without feeling like a total outsider, there is the all-American combo of a t-shirt and denim jeans, ideally black in both cases. Aside from single-color shirts, two major t-shirt message groups include:

• Promotional Mementos from kink events, venues, clubs, bars, or groups are all solid selections. Highlighting artists, photographers, writers, publications, and musicians within the community is always welcome. Witty shirts featuring some aspect of kink or fetish life in word or image can help spark conversation.
• Political Statements are always a crapshoot, so avoid them unless you know whether you’re walking into a receptive or hostile crowd. Then plan accordingly. I have no idea what politically conservative people wear because we either don’t go to the same parties or they get naked before I get a chance to see their shirts. Parties I, personally, will attend, favor messages that are supportive of LGBTQ+ rights and BIPOC.**Black, Indigenous, People of Color

Paint it Black: I am the last person on earth to discourage anyone from wearing black clothing. It’s been the absolute foundation, main level, and early-adopter goth attic of my “look” since the late 1970s. In most cases, if you opt for something clean and neat in black, it is going to work fine for house party, club, or convention gatherings. At a minimum, it shows that you made an effort to not look like you came straight from your tech-nerd cube farm or retail job. Avoid denim or t-shirts on more formal occasions, even in black, unless you know they, or you, will get a pass. Black is powerful, so use it wisely.

Denim So Blue: He wore blue denim, bluer than denim were his eyes! While not limited to gay men, denim has a venerable fetish history with them. An easily identified symbol of the working-class man and independent frontier spirit, denim also ages well and contours to the body while doing so. Bar nights, parties, street cruising; jeans are always in style for those in the more butch/masculine spectrum. Pair them with workman or cowboy boots for an extra kick. Send a message about what you’d like to do while you’re out with one or more colored hankies in your back pocket. Do not do this without researching what the colors and the pockets mean, however. Seriously. Don’t.

Leather So Definitive: When most people hear the word “kinky” the first thing that comes to mind is leather. Not everyone is into leather, but its association with the allure of 1940’s hyper-masculine biker culture has led to it being the stuff of jackets, pants, chaps, vests, and even corsets, skirts, and dresses in today’s kinky world. Surprising no one, black leather is by far the most popular, although colorful alternatives and ornamentation exist. Club and titleholder vests are common. If you see someone wearing one, they likely know a few things about the community, so introduce yourself.

But Wait, There’s More because in my world there’s always more. These are some basic basics with a minimum of information about their history or nuances. Whether you’re preparing for a scene in front of a camera, in the privacy of a home dungeon, or at a public event in a strange town, it provides a place to start.