So, You Wanna Fuck a Fat Girl

Live Big and Don’t Love on the Downlow!

One of the most infuriating things about being a fat girl is knowing that there are people, for lack of a better word let’s call them “men,” who think we are hot as hell but will not be seen in public with us, especially if it means their friends might catch sight of us together. Women do this to big men and other women, as well, but I think straight men are the most motivated to try to hide their fat woman lovers.

While I was raised with the stereotype of the wealthy older man with a beautiful, slender young woman dripping off his arm like the ornament and symbol of status she was, I thought everyone else saw it for the cynical social commentary it is. I didn’t realize how many people take that shit seriously and set it as a goal for their life. It doesn’t matter how humble a man’s status; it elevates when he’s seen with a slender female companion.

With “thin is the sole province of beauty, health, and sex appeal” being the dominant message from the mainstream, being fat is punished on sight, regardless of how beautiful, healthy, or sexy the person in question may be.

I first became familiar with this as a phenomenon during the ancient 1980s when I began my sex-positive journey as a body-diversity/size-acceptance activist. Because there was no such thing as the internet yet, being fat was especially alienating. Constantly told the abuse heaped on us was our own fault, being neglected or excluded by those who claimed to love us wasn’t new. But as groups like NAAFA (National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance) and Ample Opportunity, the local group I was involved with, brought us together in social activities, we shared our stories, and a series of commonalities became increasingly clear. We were not alone in our experiences.

Those experiences often included men who would fuck us in private but not take us to dinner, dancing, or to meet their families. When no one was around, our bodies were treated like those of a goddess or, if they felt too ashamed of their desires, like a fat masturbation sleeve. Both come with their unique associated trauma.

So, what can you, the lover of BBWs, do to make the lives of the chubby, plush, thick, phat, and bountiful babes that make your dick twitch happier?

• Publicly acknowledge us. Hold our hands. Hug us. Kiss us. Introduce us to people who matter to you.
• Feel pride in our companionship. Compliment us even when there are people listening. If you see beauty in us, why keep it a secret?
• Treat us with respect. We deserve it, because being fat isn’t a character flaw.
• Don’t nag us about diet and exercise. Trust me, we didn’t get to whatever age we’ve reached without being lectured plenty about these things. The topic isn’t necessarily forbidden but proceed with caution and know that the territory is heavily booby-trapped.
• Don’t be creepy about it. If you like big girls, that’s so groovy that it’s ribbed for her pleasure. But if you obsessively fap to the sight of us eating lunch and fantasize about becoming a feeder, there’s a SIG somewhere for you.
• Don’t fetishize us. If you think we’re hot, sexy, pretty, beautiful, whatever; that’s great. But if you can’t see us as people and not just skin folds and knee dimples, step off.

The truth is that it is remarkably easy to make a fat girl happy. Treat her like you’d treat anyone you love, desire, and see as a complete person. You can negotiate times for rough sex, tough love, and dirty times that can include talking smack and being a dick, but don’t make it a lifestyle.

I’ve been watching a lot of male-on-male porn lately, so I’m not as up on the latest BBW performers available for our viewing pleasure. I’m just glad there are so many and that they are so lovely. I fell in love with April Flores and Bunny DeLaCruz when I met them during an Adult Entertainment Expos. It’s why they appear in one of my screenplays, Voluptuous Biker Babes, filmed by Carlos Batts. Rodney Moore may look like the bastard son of Joey Ramone and Howard Stern, but the man can lay major pipe with a real-world BBW like a champion, and the young lovelies he entertains are the kind you might meet at the grocery store… because they’re real damn human beings.

Ultimately, isn’t that the message that porn subliminally communicates; that we’re all, ultimately, just damn human beings. Some of us tall, some of us short, some of us robust and some of us sleek, some of us pale and some of us dark. The garden is not complete without a diverse assortment of blooms. Some of those blooms are plump and ripe with opportunities for pleasure and luxurious indulgence. In a world that insists all people but women especially should be as efficiently configured as is profitable for big business, there’s something not just erotic about loving a fat girl, there’s something revolutionary.

Oh, and before we go... telling a fat girl that she has "such a pretty face" is not a compliment.