Same-Sex Marriage: 1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back

Peppa Pig, the cartoon show, has introduced its first same-sex parent family in its 18-year history. One step forward. Politicians have spent the past few weeks debating the legality of same-sex marriage. Three steps back.

I am married to another woman. But we didn’t get married because marriage was significant to either of us. I never dreamed of wearing a long, white dress, walking down the aisle towards my partner, or saying “yes, I do” in front of all our loved ones. I also never expected to find myself in a legal pickle just because I fell in love with another woman.

One day, my sister (a family lawyer) sent me an article about a lesbian whose life-long partner had been hospitalized and placed on life support. The patient’s family had never accepted that she was lesbian and did not even allow her partner to see her. What the fuck does that mean, though? ‘Did not accept she was lesbian?’ What is there to accept? Love is. It simply is. The sick woman had made her partner promise that she wouldn’t be put on life support. But in the end, the patient’s family did not respect her wishes, choices, or the love of her life.

At the time, my wife had not officially come out to her family. Everyone knew, but they were very old school and never talked about our taboo lesbian relationship. It was almost like calling me her ‘friend’ made the situation bearable for them. On the other hand, I came out to my family and everyone I knew when I first realized I was sexually attracted to women. I don’t care what anybody thinks or feels about whom I love or fuck. But I respect everyone’s process and choices.

Reading about that woman's tragedy, I understood that our relationship was technically insignificant. That’s what my sister was trying to tell me. It didn’t matter if we had been in love and in a relationship for a million years. Nothing mattered if something terrible happened and her family chose to exclude me from the decision-making process. I knew they loved me. They loved me in a way that is still difficult for me to understand, much less rationalize, but they have always been there for me and supported me. My wife was in the same position. My family loves her to pieces, but it’s impossible to imagine them letting her make decisions if they don’t have to. Her opinion probably wouldn’t matter, even though she knows me better than anyone.

We got married because we were terrified. We couldn’t imagine being unable to care for each other because of a legal technicality. Can you imagine your life-long partner and lover being sick and needing help while you are incapable of being there to support them? I can’t. That is why we went dress shopping and bought two tickets to Las Vegas. We didn’t do it because we wanted to be married. We want to feel safe knowing our relationship is as important and real as any hetero relationship is.

I am not an expert in politics and I am not interested in writing about politicians, political parties, or the politics behind these following statements. For the sake of my argument on how society’s acceptance of same-sex relationships affects people like me, I will explain the legal situation concerning same-sex marriage to the best of my ability. I am merely painting a picture of where we, the LGBTQ+ community, stand right now because I am justly scared.

On June 24, 2022, the high court overturned Roe v. Wade and eliminated the nationwide right to an abortion. In his concurring opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas encouraged the Supreme Court to revisit the Obergefell v. Hodges decision, which struck down restrictions on same-sex marriage in 2015.

“In future cases, we should reconsider all of this Court’s substantive due process precedents, including… Obergefell.” -Justice Clarence Thomas

A certain Senator has been a longtime opponent of same-sex marriage and believes the Supreme Court overreached when it decided Obergefell v. Hodges:

“Obergefell, like Roe v. Wade, ignored two centuries of our nation’s history. Marriage was always an issue that was left to the states. We saw states before Obergefell that were moving. Some states were moving to allow gay marriage. Other states were moving to allow civil partnerships. There were different standards that the states were adopting.” - Senator Ted Cruz

That makes sense. Of course, I dream of living in a country where any two consenting adults can expect their relationship to be protected by law regardless of gender or color, but I know that is just a dream. Countries that are members of the European Union (EU) have different levels of same-sex relationship recognition and restrictions. We can study what has worked for them and the issues that have risen due to each state having its standards.

• Same-sex marriage has been legalized in 14/27 states (Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Luxembourg, Malta, the Netherlands, Portugal, Slovenia, Spain, and Sweden).
• Same-sex civil unions have been legalized in Austria, Belgium, Croatia, Cyprus, Czechia, Estonia, France, Greece, Hungary, Italy, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, and Slovenia.
• Existing civil unions/registered life partnerships are recognized in 23/27 states.
• Marriage is constitutionally defined as being between a man and a woman in 7/27 states (Bulgaria, Croatia, Hungary, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, and Slovakia).

Evidently, a lot of people care about labeling other people’s relationships which is perplexing to me. I’m not sure what the legal differences between marriages and civil unions are, but they are irrelevant now. What matters is that the rights of people in same-sex relationships, like me, are protected.

But there is a massive problem in the EU because of those seven states that do not recognize same-sex civil unions and marriages. Like heterosexual couples, many same-sex couples want to start families. “Peppa Pig,” the hit cartoon show aimed at preschoolers, is broadcast in 180 countries and has been translated into 40 languages since 2004. In 2019, a petition that called on the writers of the show to include a same-sex parent family stated:

“Children watching Peppa Pig are at an impressionable age, and excluding same-sex families will teach them that only families with either a single parent or two parents of different sexes are normal. Peppa Pig is not just for entertainment, children are inevitably learning from it too.”

The controversial episode “Families” aired this week on Tuesday. In a short scene, Peppa’s classmate Penny Polar Bear talks about her two mommies:

“I’m Penny Polar Bear. I live with my mommy and my other mommy. One mommy is a doctor, and one mommy cooks spaghetti. I love spaghetti.”

The British organization Safe Schools Alliance tweeted:

“Really nice to see age appropriate representation of same sex couples on @peppapig with Penny & her two mummies.”

While a viewer with the opposite opinion tweeted:

“That’s the end of the Peppa Pig phenomenon. What a shame. Education, not indoctrination.”

Indoctrination is “the process of teaching a person or group to accept a set of beliefs uncritically.”

Education is “information about or training in a particular field or subject.”

Sir, following your logic, purposefully not teaching children about same-sex parent families is indoctrination, not education.

Regardless of our opinions on the matter, we live in a rainbow world. Naming my relationship “marriage” or “civil union” doesn’t matter to me. I, like many other members of the LGBTQ+ community, want to feel free to love and be protected as a couple. The problem with the EU states that do not recognize same-sex civil unions and marriages is that it’s affecting families. In 2021, 10 EU member states refused to recognize same-sex couples as joint parents of their children. That has led to parents having their family ties legally dissolved after crossing a border and birth certificates not being recognized, causing children not to have passports.

One step forward, three steps back for same-sex marriage. People worldwide are trying to normalize same-sex relationships and same-sex parent families. It doesn’t matter if you believe marriage is between a man and a woman. What matters is what we do when our brothers and sisters are afraid for their and their family’s safety.