Huge Adult DVD Review Round-Up

Highlights of The Month

While it's been awhile since we unleashed a new column thanks to all the great news we have been working on, there is little doubt that 2006 will be another year for growth here at X Critic in terms of the adult content we will be providing the viewers. In order to catch up on our top rated titles since the last column, we've tried to give a brief overview and suggest you check out the vast number of well written reviews our writers have provided. We start off the top titles list with some attempts at humor since good porn goes so well with good humor and there is so little on the market that successfully combines the two genres. The best of the batch appeared to be Robbie D.'s latest series My First Porn (Teagan) as his character named Jack moves on to the next phase of his career by actually trying to shoot a porno rather than sleaze women into sex for music video appearances or thinking they'll win beauty contests. He hits on all 12 cylinders this time and provides what we hope will be a big hit given the surprisingly excellent quality of the entire affair. We then came across a title we had tried to push out of our minds, Clown Porn, yet no matter where we hid the DVD, it found its way back on our desk until we played it. In short, it converted us from haters of clown porn into supporters, wondering why so many others call for the banning of such comedic shenanigans when the comedy was so well handled throughout the show. This led us to the silly Doc MaCock where funny man Evan Stone leads a zany crew of misfits as they attempt to cure sexual dysfunction the old fashioned way; by having sex.

There's no doubting that most consumers prefer to watch young, hot women engage in sex of varying types so we tried to spot light some of the best youth-oriented titles for your pleasure too. With the wonderfully made Teen America: Mission 10 and Teen America: Mission 11 Teagan) leading the pack, competitors like Hellcats 9: Special Edition and Hellcats 8 were forced to try using more circus act sex to sell the theme but the results of each will depend on what kind of action you prefer. Each series has some of the youngest and most skilled lasses to hit the porn world but also tend to filled with the amounts of fuck for the buck you'll find appealing to you wallets as well.

Also found on the short list for quality porn was the role playing heat of Daddy's Home where the performers made sure no one thought the couples were related while tearing into one another like they hadn't been getting any for awhile. The rest of the list was rounded out by a number of well received series from different companies, Barely Legal #54, Barely 18 #23, Anal Teen Tryouts 10, and Teens With Tits #6, with each providing just enough variety that you'll be stroking yourselves with abandon until you get your next fix of good porn.

Contrary to recent reports, lesbian porn is making a big comeback too with the most extreme acts easily shown by Belladonna and Evil Angel with Evil Pink 2: Special Edition and Belladonna: No Warning: Special Edition. I caution you to be careful when watching either of these given the nature of the sex, from baseball bats to bondage to a whole lot of things that many companies won't shoot and many distributors won't sell given the political climate of the day. Bella doesn't suffer fools lightly and when she sets out to do something, she certainly doesn't hold back so if you want lesbian porn that surpasses meat-oriented gonzo over and over again, either of these will suffice.

On the lighter side of the lesbian equation were titles such as the latest from a beloved curmudgeon in Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party 12: Anal Mimosas, where the waterworks were employed full force; to Xavier's Girl Crazy #7 more standard offering, to the positive attitudes of Her First Lesbian Sex 5. Lastly, in Collision Course, Vivid had a virtual showdown between two of the most popular porn stars in modern times; Tera Patrick and Briana Banks go at one another after warming up with a variety of other partners. Fans of either might demand a rematch but the replay value for the movie was quite excellent.

There were some great features reviewed this month to with the award winning Loaded (Jesse Jane) showing us why some titles never get old as Jesse stars in a cop drama better than you'll find on television or cable where she tries to outrun the mob with the help of a couple of detectives sworn to protect her. They uphold their end of the deal and her end gets held a little in return in this sweet flick.

Like the days of old though, we were treated to a little take off of a popular Will Smith film in Babes in Black where a great cast shows Hollywood what was missing from the mainstream hit we all enjoyed. The other selections of the month had much to like as well with a variety of plotted situations providing just enough material to string a variety of porn scenes together in Shaq, Slut School, and Beauty and the Bodyguard.

While the American porn industry has long been dominated by vanilla flavored performers engaging in relatively bland sex acts, consumers have repeatedly sent a message that they wanted something more. To satisfy the desires of those masses of fans, companies offered up scores of interracial porn that focused on Black, Asian, and Latin performers showing the rest of us how it's done. Whether you like seeing people like the Dark Prince of Porn himself, Lexington Steele, boning white gals with impunity, or Latina hotties speaking their native language while riding cock like they're on fire, or even something a little more exotic with Asian cuties submitting to the whims of their masters, the following were identified as the pick of the pack for those so inclined:

Hole Collector 2, Silverback Attack, Just Fuckin' 3, Interracial Hole Stretchers #3, Latina Cum Queens 2, Young Latin Ass 2, Mami Culo Grande 2, Girls of Thailand #2, South American Pie 3, Asian Bang!, Best of Latin Facials, and There's Something About Jack 37.

We also had the chance to find a few titles that were made for women to enjoy as something outside of the usual splooged-fest titles you'll find littering the landscape. Focusing on the needs of women over the immediate needs of men in need of something to jack off to, titles like Way of the Dragon, Stone Cold Evan, and Evan Essence, seemed to stand head and shoulders above the crowd. In Dragon, Digital Playground offered up Celeste's stylish direction featuring some of the loveliest photography found on the market while the two others focused on the mighty Evan Stone as he sought fit to romance his way into the hearts and souls of our female audience. Female erotica tends to baffle male reviewers but whether you approach these titles as couples friendly or simply good porn made for anyone with a pulse; you'll probably have a higher success rate using any of them to coax a gal into the mood than something like Cunt Gushers.

Another area where fans have repeatedly spoken is that of the blowjob/facial/oral themed title. While we'll admit that even the worst blowjob is better than the best root canal to most people, there is an awful lot of crap on the market designed to look good from the DVD cover and end up being far less satisfying than you'd have hoped for. That's why our team suggests the following titles for all the variety you could hope for in this genre, knowing full well that you'll hold them accountable for the results if they fall prey to the advertising claims of industry shills as you'll find elsewhere. For some heated oral fun, check out: Face Blasters 3!, Glazed and Confused 6, Incumming #8, Cum Craving Teens #3, Throat Gaggers 9, Cum Catchers #3, Down the Hatch 17, Nuttin' Hunnies #2, Big League Facials 2, Blow Pop, Killer Grip 3, Cum Drenched Tits 4, and No Swallowing Allowed #7.

On the other hand, while a good BJ beats a date with Mary Palmer and her four sisters, the sheer nasty factor of anal seems to be overtaking the porn world increasingly with more circus act sex stunts tried every month (if not week) by the sexual Olympians of porn. As expected, that means more than half of the releases in the industry have some anal aspect included but how do you separate the best from the rest? I'm glad you asked because this is an area where our crew worked overtime for days on end to rate and evaluate the darker passages you'll encounter. If you want the best of the backdoor, give the following a look: Weapons of Ass Destruction 4: Special Edition, Fine Ass Bitches 2, All Ass Blowout, Assman 28, Asstravaganza, Gaper Maker 5, Anal Princess Diaries, Filled To The Rim, Smokin' Crack, Taste Her Ass #2, Ass Cream Pies 8, Anal School #2, Seymore Butts' Shhwing, Violate Every Hole, Big Black Wet Asses 3, and Butt Blassted Too!.

Now we're aware that some of you are old school, having grown up with porn for years and looking for titles a bit less adventurous in nature. Thankfully, we have one of the best vintage porn reviewers you'll find anyway, not just on the internet, in the form of the mysterious Mooninite. He took a look at a remake of the classic New Wave Hookers (which was also included in the set) in Neu Wave Hookers, where he found it a breath of fresh air in "a very stagnant and redundant industry." Is director Eon McKai the pariah of porn as many have claimed or is he the next best thing; read the review and see the movie for yourself to find out.

Other porn that was truly classic in the sense of how long ago it was made and how well it has stood the test of time were discussed in the following reviews: Ecstasy in Blue, Babylon Pink, American Blonde, Blonde in Black Silk, Odyssey, Right Tool For The Job, and Bang Bang. Remember that only the very best porn is still good years later so each of these titles had something special to offer that set it apart from the production line mentality of the current releases.

Our reviewers also looked at some titles with orgies or large groups of partners as the central theme, in Served, Stripper School Orgy, and Gangbang Auditions #18. Served was a dinner party gone wild starring a wonderful cast of talented tail as directed by Chi Chi LaRue where the convention of separate scenes was tossed out in favor of a constantly churning mound of bodies all seeking the ultimate in fulfillment. Stripper School Orgy, on the other hand, starred Jenaveve Jollee as she taught the tricks of the trade to a group of hotties all tested in the second half of the DVD. Gangbang Auditions #18 went a different direction with three separate gang bangs offered up by director Chico Wang. Depending on what floats your boat, any of these three could serve your needs to see what is sometimes called a cluster fuck depending on which side of the party you're on.

Other titles found to be a cut above the pack were as follows: Trophy Whores, Auditioning, Analogy 2, Short and Sleazy, I Spy POV, X: The Series 3, Craving Big Cocks #10, Cream My Crack, Unfaithful Secrets, Off the Rack 4, and Snow Sex: Limited Edition.

And if you get through that bunch of nasty, hardcore porn, you can look at these too: Katja Kassin AKA Filthy Whore, Bang Bus 9, Lil Red Riding Slut, Super Naturals #3, Cream Filled 2, Big Cocks in Her Little Box, European Mail Order Brides 7, The Princess Has Come of Age, Big Cock Seductions 22, Pleasures of the Flesh #12, Jessica's Jet Set, Tic Tac Toe's 2, Private Sports, and Sick Girls Need Sick Boys

Upcoming Titles

"Fly the furry skies. There's no cock in this cockpit. When porn's most famous superstar takes to the furry skies, Vagiterian Air, all pussy breaks loose! It's the wildest, wettest WTBA yet, with Jenna Jameson, Briana Banks, Savanna Samson, and more. Forget about the mile high club, you're about to enter the mile long club! It's Where The Boys Aren't #17, and if you're into pink, this one's comin' at you with a tail wind you won't believe!"

In Harlequin , "Jaye (Kaylani Lei) is a beautiful nurse who moonlights as a personalized seductress, fulfilling men's fantasies via her video camera and props of choice. Gerry (Evan Stone) is Jaye's very lonely and equally horny roommate who works as a clown at a muffler shop. Jaye has a secret, she deeply loves Gerry and wishes they could have a relationship but she is afraid of ruining their friendship by wanting to go to the next level with Gerry. What Jaye doesn't know though is that Gerry also has feelings for her that go deeper than friendship."

Also of interest is Kylie Ireland's On Your Knees Bitch , where the cover read as follows: "These girls are gonna suck you dry! This flick puts you right where you want to be, comfortably seated with a thirsty whore between your legs.

Erocktavision #4: Girls Night Out #1 will give Disco Dirge a chance to weigh the claims of the cover that stated: "With chains, swings and sex toys, the all-girl party never ends as we peek into another day in the life of Dana Dane's hotter-than-hot Erockstars. Go clubbing in the fabulous world of disco-erotica as they strap it on and kick it Erock-style in the first of a two part venture. Volume four is cut to an incredible soundtrack of Hip Hop, Rock, Pop, Sexy House, Techno and Trance."

Mans Best Friend

"Mans Best Friend is not a dog, these are cute playful kitties. That's right, the greatest species known to man, women! So next time you hear the phrase Mans Best Friend it'll have a new meaning. Instead of Fido, you'll be thinking willing sluts. A variety of fetishes including footjobs, sperm swapping, squirting, DPs, anal, lots of tasty facials and swallowing!"

Jack is set to see if True Hollywood Twins will live up to the marketing hype from the back cover that was bold enough to say: "They did everyone together. What do you do when you're identical twins from the midwest and you're twice as horny as the average siblings? Easy. Move to California and call Vivid. Meet True Hollywood Twins, the almost true story of how two former twin TV stars re-create the fame and fortune they found on TV, but in the bedroom with balls bouncing and cameras rolling! It's all from the mind of Paul Thomas, one of adult's most awarded directors. Have you ever dreamed of being double-teamed by two hot and horny twins? Stop dreaming. Wake up and buy True Hollywood Twins!

We'll leave it up to Mike to see if the internet hype about The Pamela Principle , is pure marketing or if the lead really does seem like a long lost twin to the Bay Watch babe herself. The cover said: "The Pamela Principle parallels Sandersin's own transformation, with the actress assuming her new identity after suffering amnesia and emerging a huge star. The feature was shot entirely on location in Prague by director/performer Dillon. It features a top-notch European. This sexy new Euro babe delivers a stellar sexual performance in this non-stop sex charged story of a young woman's sexual awakening. See this hot new Eurpean import.

Dude, Your Girlfriend Is In A Porno! : "Some fresh faces doing the nasty on camera. Ever want to see your buddy's girl getting her body rocked? Imagine what it would be like to find out that the little hottie likes to go double-dicking. It's all good unless you didn't know and it's your girl! Well check it out and see if you know anyone in this movie. Don't tell your friend and just enjoy what he gets all the time or at least until he finds out!

Desperate is the latest movie starring the popular Tera Patrick. Will it live up to the hype and continue her rise to glory or will it show the superstar to be as fallible as the rest of us? "Desperate people do desperate things. And she is desperate for it. Tera. Thief. Robber. Outlaw d' Amor. Join one of adult's most awarded directors Paul Thomas in an intimate look at Tera at her most notorious. With hot little Monique Alexander and Shy Love completing the felonious posse. Tera is Desperate, and this is definitely the crime of passion.

Overlooked Titles

Mooninite, upon stumbling across Harlot, said: "An interesting porno with a plot that combines a reasonably interesting story that examines some unique psychological aspects of sexuality in a roundabout way, with some truly steamy sex scenes. The more Aurora Snow in anyone's smut collection, the better I say. Good video quality, good audio quality, and way better than average extra features make Harlot highly recommended."

In Pole Position 3: "Pole Position 3 was among my favorite POV releases of the year and while I'll admit that I've been a fan of Lex for some time, even he'll tell you that I don't give free passes. If he does well, I'll call it just as if he screws up. This release had three great scenes and three that were still a whole lot of fun to watch as the energy levels and chemistry between the performers and Lex were sometimes off the charts. I'm going to rate it as Highly Recommended as any fan of the majority of cast here would do but keep in mind that black men boning white women may not appeal to you (for a variety of reasons, I'm not calling others racist). In short, Pole Position 3 provided the kind of ride fans want to see with a group of the sweetest gals in porn riding the almighty Lex to oblivion. I can only imagine what he'll have to do to top this one."

Rob Randell claimed about Down the Hatch 15: "The action offers lots of nasty cum guzzling action that is supplemented some good old fashion sex, Diabolic style. If you like watching girls take pop shots in their mouths and swallow, you are going to love this DVD. It's a great gonzo release with lots of heated sex, good looking babes, and plenty of cum guzzling action."

Don gave the nod to Voyeur 30, with: "The Voyeur 30: Bookmark The Ass!: was another solid chapter in this long running series and even a bit more heated in some ways than volumes I've reviewed in the past. While the technical matters were not up to my personal standard, the passionate sex and lovely cast of hot women made this a title I felt comfortable rating as Highly Recommended. The variety of settings, action, and even pacing made this an attempt on director Leslie's part to expand his sphere of sexual depravity just enough to breath some fresh air into the stalwart series, making it well worth your hard earned dollars. In short, The Voyeur 30: Bookmark The Ass!, provided some great fuck for the buck with John's usual eye for what works on the libido of men everywhere. Maybe someday, Evil Angel will offer a collector's set of the entire series (or maybe just in parts, like ten volumes apiece) for a good price like Private has been doing. If they do, I know I'll be first in line to scoop up the numerous volumes I've missed over the years. In all though, aside from some spit and polish need on the technical matters, I can see why so many people enjoy this one; good work!"

In Strap Attack 2, our own Disco Dirge said: "Though he wonders what it says about his hang-ups (or lack thereof), the Dirge really dug this sensational strap-on feature. Indeed, about the only thing keeping it from a X Critic Collector's Series nod is the realization that this is not a clip compilation that will play perfectly for everyone. Championing something so particular to personal proclivity or taste as a universal triumph (which is sort of what the Collector's certification means) just doesn't seem sensible. So even though Strap Attack 2 gets an 8.5 on the Disco Dirge Peter Meter, Silvera and his cast will have to settle for a very high recommendation. And while it may not be the same for every couple, Mrs. Dirge really enjoyed this offering as well, and she's not the most adventurous person when it comes to porn. Therefore, a Cohabitation Certification is awarded. Indeed, fans of fantastic fucking should really give Strap Attack 2 a try. Though it may not be up everyone's individual alley, there is more going on here than just men getting reamed for a buck. This is a title that can be enjoyed on several sensational levels, not just on the most obvious - and the most obsessive."

Cumshitters
Cumshitters had exactly what Red Light District advertised and with a solid cast of hot women that proved even attractive women can have balls to the wall sex and limp away with a smile. I'm rating it as Highly Recommended since the minor quirks it had did not interfere with the great replay value and the technical matters were almost as good as ever. I'm not a fan of anal creampies but even I recognized that some over at Red Light District has something on the ball to include Tiffany Mynx (she's been all over the place of late) rather than stick with their usual teenager formula. In short, Cumshitters had a lot of heart, body and soul to offer those of you who enjoy gonzo sex with a messy end.

With Double Decker Sandwich 6, our guys said: "Screw viagra, Zero Tolerance's Double Decker Sandwich 6 will have you rock hard in no time. Tapping into every warm-blooded, heterosexual male's fantasy, Mike has directed one hell of a flick. From the first scene with the plump, sexy Brandy, to the tanned, curvy Lanny and Austin, this is probably one of the hottest non-Latina discs I've ever reviewed (though Jenaveve is reppin' Latinas in scene five). While the disc briefly stumbles during the third scene, I've figured out that Mike probably structured it this way to give us time to reload and/or grab some more tissues. Here at X Critic, we usually end our reviews by summing up our thoughts and feelings on the disc and, in four words or less, giving the reader advice. To be honest, I was thinking about knocking this one down one rating due to the third scene. However, taking the extremely arousing content of the rest of the disc into account, along with the footage of the ladies stripping on the bonus features, I would really feel bad if I didn't give this disc the X Critic Collector Series rating it deserves."

As one of our earliest glimpses into the twisted mind of a new director, "POV Fantasy was a lot of fun to watch and the cast was exceptional in the playful manner they gave up some pleasure to Brother Love. While the technical matters could've used a little refinement at times, I found them to be very straightforward and perfect to allow the cast enough room to run with the scenarios presented. I'm not known for my generosity in rating porn but I had to give this one a rating of Highly Recommended because it was so much better than I originally anticipated, with the cast far stronger than I would've guessed (I got it for Rita's scene and found the others to be very good too). In short, POV Fantasy provided the kind of action, replay value and package of extras that fans seek, using some of the hottest gals in the jizz biz to get the job done."

We'd love to read your comments and feedback on this column, Send us your thoughts on other things you'd like to see in the space, or even random thoughts about the world of porn. Drop us a line at [email protected].

Contributors to The Blue Room: Don Houston