Seek and Ye Shall Find

As everyone returns from the 2008 AEE show, each person most certainly has attempted to figure out the next big secret in the adult world. From converging technology to diverging revenue streams the real secret will always be, "What content will dominate the market in the coming year?" I mean, the reality is that the all mighty dollar dries up pretty quickly once the emperor has no clothing, thus, content is king. So once again, in 2008 one studio will stand alone and will make a decision (most likely by accident) that perfectly hits the consumer market and that will have lasting effects on the industry clear into the 2009 AEE show.

Don't believe me?

How many studios went hard into the MILF genre in 2006? How many studios went equally hard into the Lesbian genre in 2007? If you're counting on your fingers you are going to run out rather quickly. And why, you ask, did so many studios happen to take an interest in similar content? Because just like TT Boy says, he did it first, er, I mean, someone does it first and when the smell of money is in the water, the industry takes a bite. However, no matter how cute those Abby Winters girls were out there on the floor this year, I refuse to believe that young, girl-on-girl content (even with the adorable Australian accents and all that kissy-kiss) is the best this industry can offer. Remember, this is the last year of Bush's terror, rather than lambs shall we not be lions? It's time for something more I say and I'll tell you what, "more" is:

 Muck Doozing.

Never heard the term Muck Doozing before? You wouldn't be the first. This sexual practice is not commonly used. Actually, I'm not 100% certain that it's ever been done, hence the importance of this call to arms. Allow me to set up a fictional scene for you from Digital Playground's upcoming Pirates II that will best illustrate Muck Doozing. (Joone, please feel free to contact me for rights to use this scene.)

Digital Playground's new contract star Stoya (I think she already approved this scene over drinks) playing a recently landed space android called, *667HJ* is lounging passively in the galley of the mighty Spanish galleon known as The Old Timey Spainbuck. After battling valiantly against La Trituradora de Oceano (The Ocean Shredder), Evan Stone playing Captain Edward Reynolds and Tommy Gunn as the infamous pirate Victor Stagnetti enter tired and zapped of all vital essence. (Editor's note: while Stagnetti and Reynolds may have possibly been enemies in Pirates part uno, I'm not convinced that Digital Playground couldn't write their way out of this mess.)

Stagnetti - Ahoy! Me essence be sacked!

Reynolds - Alas, mightn't we 'ave a dip o' the ol' ale to barmey up a right ferksure?

Stagnetti - Ahoy!

*667HJ* - *blip*

Okee, the dialogue could be spruced up a bit, but again, the dialogue is not going to win any awards, breaking new ground will! So, with a blip and a whrrr, Stoya buzzes to life seeking essence to jump start her power Fernumerator (think energon cubes) to get back to her zombie, robot overlord on planet Urf. Not realizing that Stoya is an android set on stealing their womb-goo, Tommy Gunn and Evan Stone come to life to give her an informal pirate penis parade. After a good 20 minutes of tanned-man taco-tanning, they both release powerful, internal popshots and fall unconscious to the floor. Stoya quickly rolls back just enough to keep the man money a/k/a energon cubes inside of her when out of nowhere, Steven St. Croix playing a horny, one-handed pirate bounds into the scene with a temporary spork in place of his usual hook (remember, this scene is set in a galley, that's where pirates eat!). With one quick movement, the one-handed pirate pries a part Stoya's legs with one hand and, using his temporary spork-hand-hook thing, scoops the previously deposited man-jam from the clutches of her essence starved robo-vagina. Before Stoya can react, St. Croixjumps to the rescue of his pirates in need and is torn as to whom to revive. Knowing he only has moments until viscosity begins to take its toll St. Croix lifts Stone into his arms and...wait for it...smacks the double scoop right into his mouth making a perfect, "POP" sound. This double dose brings Stone back to life and together St. Croix and Stone escape Stoya's deadly trap.

As you can read, there's a lot happening in this scene and obviously, Muck Doozing requires dedication to the art of adult cinema that not every adult performer or studio is going to have. However, from the stars that I have discussed this with (excluding Tory Lane who had issues with the technical ability to actually "scoop" the ingredients from the female vaginal cavity before it slips thru the scoopers fingers (and to you Ms. Lane I say corn starch and sporks!)) there seems to be an across the board thumbs up! Yes, Steve Orenstein, even jessica drake said, why not!

So to you Wicked Pictures, Digital Playground, Vivid (well actually, no way is Vivid going to do this), Devil's Film, Shane's World, Digital Sin, Evasive Angles and the rest the future is now, the future is Muck Doozing. Let's get started before January 09 hits and we're all trying to sell double penetration as something new.

Remember...if you make it, we'll sell it!

As ever,

Brian

Listening to: Rollerskate Skinny - Shoulder Voices

Reading: Fahrenheit 451 (Still as boring as I remembered)

Watching: Twin Peaks - The Complete Series